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Teddy Riley's Uncleisure, Explained
You’re really sticking to this gimmick now, huh? So yesterday for dinner I made a bunch of lamb chops, and they were really good. For breakfast this morning, I had lamb and eggs. Lunch will be lamb and salad. Dinner? Lamb, spinach, and mashed potatoes. My point? Once I find something that’s working, I stick…
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The 10 Best Things About NASCAR Star Kyle Larson Saying the Word That Starts With 'N' and Rhymes With 'Bigger'
Even during the dark days of the pandemic, when a handshake will kill you and a Kushner will drink your blood, the sun occasionally shines on us, and it’s our duty to bathe in its luminance. Such a time happened on Sunday when, during an iRacing event, NASCAR star Kyle Larson lost communication with the…
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Triflin' Negroes Like Jerome Adams, Explained
So I guess you’re back with the explainer thing for good, huh? I wouldn’t say that. I didn’t watch The Color Purple until 2011, so you know I don’t like to commit to things. That makes no sense. Neither does RZA calling himself Bobby Digital but doing his IG Live battle through a Sony Pressman.…
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Wendy Bell, America's Worst White Woman, Is Back (and Wants to Kill Your Grandparents)
I imagine that, if you’ve never heard of Wendy Bell, you find her anointment as America’s Worst White Woman to be suspicious. “Who is this mystery woman,” I picture you asking, “who somehow beat Ann Coulter, Abigail Fisher, and Toejam Lobotomy to be America’s worst white woman? How is she the LeBron of Karens?” Well,…
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What the Coronavirus Is Doing to Black People Ain't a Conspiracy. It's Just America
Months ago, when the first news stories about COVID-19 were published, I read a convoluted Facebook status from one of my 4992 closest friends that connected the coronavirus to “mandated vaccinations”—which, according to them, would actually be an elaborate government ploy to implant chips in us and track our behavior. If I’d had time that…
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The Difference Between a ‘Karen’ and a ‘Becky,’ Explained
Merriam-Webster defines “Becky” as “a white woman who is ignorant of both her privilege and her prejudice.”
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Bubble Guppies, Explained
What is a Bubble Guppy? No idea. None? No. A Bubble Guppy could be at my desk, right now, on a FaceTime call with Jason Derulo, and all I’d be thinking is “Where are his pants?” Whose pants? I don’t know. You’re not making any sense. Ask better questions. Okay. So why are you doing…
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Trump-Supporting Piece of Shit Robert Kraft Does the Least He Can Do
New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft is in the news today for sending his private plane to China to get 1.7 million N95 masks for health care workers in Massachusetts. This is, without a doubt, a good thing. It will save lives. Robert Kraft is also the chairman and CEO of Kraft Group LLC, which…
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The Coronavirus Killed My Friend. His Blood Is on Donald Trump's Hands
On Sunday the 29th, the New York Times published “Nothing Matters Anymore (Except What Actually Does)“—my essay about some of the existential crises the coronavirus has thrust on us, the violence of the whiplash of the past month, and the electric slide. I first sent Jen Parker, a staff editor at the Times, a draft…
