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Shit Bougie Black People Love: 27. Unprotected Sex
Bougie Black People are known for many things. Selfies on bike trails. Coed kickball games. Groupon. Alcoholism. Day parties. Running for Congress. Pescetarianism. Tapered jeans. Delta fundraisers. Working for The Root. But while it’s true that BBP partake in many of these activities because they find them pleasurable and/or profitable, it’s also true that the…
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Advice For Soon-To-Be Husbands From A Guy Who Hasn't Been Married Long Enough To Give It
What’s up, fellas? How’s everything? Good? Great! How have I been? Great. Marriage is the shit. I always have clean socks, my weekends are full of activities, and my wife even introduced me to something called a “couscous” last month. (What exactly is couscous? Some bougie-ass rice, basically.) Anyway, I know you all are about…
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A Ranking Of Things To Do When It's Cold As Fuck Outside And You Don't Want To Do Shit
Since (roughly) 90% of our readers are American, and (roughly) 90% of America is dealing with some type of polar vortex right now, that means there’s a (roughly) 8100% chance that, if you’re reading this, you’re somewhere where it’s cold as fuck outside. If you’re like me — basically, if you’re Black — this means…
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Phylicia Rashad Defends Bill Cosby, And That Sound You Hear Is Shit Hitting The Fan
If you ever wanted to know exactly how “shit hitting the fan” sounds, it’s the noise Black America’s making this morning as news that everyone’s single favorite person ever, Phylicia Rashad, has come out in defense of Bill Cosby, vehemently disputing the claims that her former co-star sexually assaulted 20-something women. Rashad said this was…
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The Cavs (Finally!) Traded Dion Waiters. I Am Ecstatic. Here's Why.
1. At the moment, Dion Waiters is not a very good NBA basketball player. This is a fact most who follow the NBA agree on. He is average to below average in pretty much every advanced metric you can name — advanced metrics were basically invented just to prove that players like Dion Waiters were…
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Pittsburgh Police Chief Says "Racism Is Bad." Some Officers Get Offended. Chief Replies "Sorry Not Sorry"
To get a better context of the environment new Pittsburgh Police Chief Cameron McLay recently entered, it would be helpful to know each of the following things: 1. Out of the 100 largest metropolitan areas in the country, the Pittsburgh metropolitan area is the 2nd Whitest. 2. There were 66 homicides in the city in…
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40 Signs You Just Might Be A Bougie Black Person
1. You first met each of the last three people you’ve dated at game nights. 2. Dwayne and Whitley still matter a bit more to you than Barack and Michelle do. 3. You’ve been gainfully employed for some time, but no one — you included — actually knows or really understands what you do for…
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Why "Meet Me In Temecula" Is The Perfect End To This Shitty-Ass Fucking Year
1. Because “Meet Me In Temecula” is a song created by a man (@MyTweetsRealAF) who, on Christmas day, made a 35 minute drive to Temecula, California to fight someone (@SnottieDrippen) who dissed Kobe Bryant on Twitter. @Snottiedrippen didn’t show up for the fight, so naturally @MyTweetsRealAF recorded and released a diss track. 2. Because if this…
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A Completely Arbitrary Ranking Of Christmas Standards
567. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” Although catchy, this song is basically a date rape how-to guide. 300-350. Any Christmas rap song besides “Christmas in Hollis” 76. “Christmas in Hollis” Only things worse than Christmas rap? 1. Gospel rap. 2. French rap. 3. Albino roaches. 25. “Here Comes Santa Claus” Santa Claus does not exist, so…
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"Anti-Police Brutality" Does Not Mean "Anti-Police"
According to published news reports, hours before Ismaaiyl Brinsley shot and killed two NYPD officers, he shot his ex-girlfriend, Shaneka Thompson, in Baltimore. He also stole her iPhone. After shooting her, he boarded a Bolt Bus to New York City, and updated his Instagram account from her phone, vowing to kill cops. Minutes after following…
