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Nowhere, No Safety, No Country For Black Americans
The privilege of being allowed to exist on Earth — and the experiences, the enlightenments, and the beauties associated with this privilege — comes with a couple unfavorable conditions. 1. We will die. 2. We will coexist with entities actively attempting to kill us. These are facts every human is conscious of. But this awareness…
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There Is Nothing Wrong With Making And Laughing At Jokes About Ridiculous Ass Rachel Dolezal
Rachel Dolezal’s appearance on The Today Show this morning — and her admission that she identifies as Black — confirms it: She is a turducken of bullshit. A turducken inside of a giraffe inside of a whale that was eaten by a fucking Indominus Rex. Not only is her actual aesthetic an intentional optical illusion, following…
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In Too Deep (No, Seriously. In Waaaaaaay Too Gotdamn Deep): The Rachel Dolezal Story
Thoughts about the post-racial Imitation of Life. 1. You know those news stories and segments that’ll pop up every couple months or so about a White mom who has no damn clue what to do with her biracial daughter’s hair? And the piece will always be accompanied by a pic of the clueless mom and…
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The 10 Worst Haircuts In Black Male History
Earlier this week, Baron Davis made an appearance on First Take and introduced us all to a new hairstyle. It’s been called a Jheri Curl, but I wouldn’t quite call it that. Mainly because it’s not wet enough. It looks more like a batch of collard greens an aint-shit cousin left on the stove too long…
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Nothing Makes Sense Anymore: Five Takeaways From The Weirdest And Wackiest NBA Finals I've Ever Seen
1. It’s far too early to make any concrete declarations about victors or losers in this series. Mainly because Stephen Curry is a preternaturally gifted lightskinned genie equipped with the ability to actually make the type of shots that regularly get terrible pick-up basketball players stabbed for even attempting. And I’m forever fearful of people…
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The Black-Ass Books, Albums, Movies And More I'm Giving My Black-Ass Baby When He's Born
As I wrote a couple weeks ago, The Wife Person and I are expecting. A child. An actual human baby. An actual human baby we will have to actually parent. In anticipation of this actual human baby we will have to actually parent, we’ve had a few conversations about the type of parents we anticipate being.…
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What Those Kids In McKinney Should Have Done To Prevent The Cops From Assaulting Them
Like many of you, I’ve spent much of today watching and talking about the disturbing video of the police officers assaulting and arresting Black children at a pool party in McKinney, Texas. This incident apparently occurred Friday evening, and at least one officer has reportedly been suspended as a result. But while the suspension would seem to…
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Is There A Support Group For Smart Black People Who Read And Shit…And Still Prefer A$AP's Album To Kendrick Lamar's?
There are two things you need to know about A$AP Rocky and I before we continue: 1. I hate typing his name. Partially because I think it’s a stupid fucking name. But mainly because I hate having to remember to type $ instead of S when spelling it. It’s a knat in a moving car, a tiny…
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Everything You Need To Know But Didn't Think To Ask About The 2015 NBA Finals
Tonight, the Golden State Warriors will host the Cleveland Cavaliers for the first game of what should be a very entertaining finals. You have stars (Lebron, Curry, Kyrie, Klay), multiple compelling storylines, feisty Australians with hockey playoff beards, Draymond Green — the patron saint of “Wishanigga Woods”, and a team (Cleveland) very, very happy Oakland, California…
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The Only Things On Earth That Matter Less Than Your Opinion Of How Disgusted You Are By Caitlyn Jenner
1. French rap. And by “French” I mean “Gospel” 2. Fruit salad with no pineapples 3. The three T-Mobile Sidekicks I have stored in a shoebox somewhere in my home. And the burnt orange and black Von Dutch hat also in that shoebox. 4. Unfortunately, every movie Kevin Smith has made since Dogma 5. White tears…
