A few months ago, there was an issue with an H&M shirt, a black boy and a monkey. We were all like, fuck yo’ couch, H&M! And then folks shut a few H&Ms down in South Africa, and then H&M was closing down tons of stores (while opening others), and I think Brick killed a guy.
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I believe we all agreed to stop shopping at H&M to get our short-term fashionable items. At least, I think that was the agreement. I’m not sure that we ever did actually agree on any particular protest strategies, but it was my belief that we were supposed to be doing the boycotts. So I’ve been holding up my end of the bargain. No matter where I’m at, if I see an H&M, I walk right past that ho.
I mean, except for that one time I accidentally walked into an H&M. Real talk, I was on my phone kickin’ actual factuals, and when I’m on the phone and walking around malls or breweries or museums, I go into autopilot. Not paying any attention whatsoever, I walked clean into an H&M midconvo, told the person on the other end of the phone that something didn’t feel right, and then, sure as shootin’, I started singing, “HOW DID YOU GET HERE?! NOBODY’S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” and hightailed it out of there. Honest. That was the only time and I was in there for maybe 30 seconds.
Other than that, though, I don’t shop at H&M anymore. Which is a bit of a struggle because their low-price, up-to-date budget fashion items used to bring me joy. And I don’t particularly care for Zara—low-price, up-to-date budget fashion option B. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something about their store display and setup just gives me the willies. And you don’t want the willies. I know I don’t. Ain’t gonna have me going out like Willie Lump Lump.
Back to H&M. Are we still boycotting? Or is this like the NFL and Starbucks? Because I see all of our cousins walking right up into H&M and walking right up out of H&M with all of the bags. I see them big-ass 80 percent-off sales in the window and walk on by, money burning a hole in my pocket. But I keep on walking, wondering why the folks I do see going in there didn’t seem to get the memo that we don’t do H&M anymore. Or why they don’t care that we don’t do H&M anymore. Or do we?
I mean, folks were trying their best to boycott the NFL—something I successfully achieved, save for the two times (two times!) I had an event at my house and all the dudes turned to the NFL, and the time I went to Dave & Buster’s on a Sunday afternoon. But I also know folks boycotting publicly while watching football privately. Which—I get it. I know it’s hard to not watch or participate in something you’ve literally spent your whole life doing. But again, there was a memo and everything, right? For the people! For the culture!
I just want to know. Like Joe. Because if we, the black delegation, have actively given up this boycott of H&M, then that means I’m out here passing up some sweet sales on pastels and really long tees and block-patterned (I know there’s a sophisticated name for this) button-up shirts for $14.99 and other shit that will fall apart in the wash but was so cheap it ain’t much of a loss. And if we are, you all need to talk to your folks, because, errrum, they either don’t know, don’t show or just don’t care about what’s going on in the boycotts.
I just need the word. Because the woke delegation ain’t about to stroll up on me, cameras blazin’, while I’m copping me a shirt that says something not really ironic like “shirt.”
So I ask: Are we still boycottin’ H&M or nah?
Straight From 
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