Provide Unemployment Assistance

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

On Elin's dime, peace of mind could be purchased for 600,000 jobless Americans for 30 more days. That much money could extend their unemployment benefits for an additional month.

Support Oil Spill Relief

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

With just $170 million in compensation grants to states like Florida, Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi and $100 million to drill two more relief wells, Elin's money could supplement some of the expenses that BP has purportedly accrued while trying to stem damage from April's oil spill. Maybe the additional finances could actually help clean up the mess that's been made of the Gulf Coast.

Help Haiti

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy

Rebuilding Haiti's presidential palace would cost only $160 million, with plenty left over to put 200,000 Haitians back to work for a year and a half (at a cost of $5 a day) rebuilding their earthquake-devastated country.

House Katrina Survivors

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

$700 million should be able to provide 50,000 households that survived Hurricane Katrina with FEMA trailers, but when you throw in the cost of bureaucratic waste, that figure shrinks to 3,500 households.

Help Save Chicago Public Schools

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

While the projected $900M deficit that Chicago Public Schools face in fiscal year 2011 is probably more than Elin can bear, she could still clear more than half of their debt. In a city where youth violence is pervasive, isn't more funding for education the best line of defense anyway? While her ex-husband expands campuses for his Tiger Woods Learning Center, she can make a difference at existing schools.

Fund Arts Education

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

Public school art-education programs all over the country have taken a big hit in the recession. Funding for art supplies and equipment in New York City public schools fell by 68 percent between the 2006-'07 and 2008-'09 school years. For less than $400 million, arts education in the Big Apple could be fully funded for an entire year.

Fix D.C.'s Public Transit Deficit

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

The Washington Metro system is raising costs and reducing services because of its $189M deficit. Elin doesn't even need to give up the entire $700M to appease a city full of commuters and make this problem go away. How about it, Elin?

Treat HIV in America

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

With $700 million, 1,000 Americans infected with HIV could receive treatment for their entire lives. C'mon, Elin, the Faglaro Island mansion, or decades of healthy, productive life for 1,000 fellow humans? This one's a no-brainer!

Or Treat It in South Africa

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

The same amount could give up to 70,000 South Africans living with HIV 10 years' worth of antiretroviral therapy!

Prevent Malaria

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

$700 million could provide 70,000,000 mosquito nets for families in Africa who are at risk for contracting malaria. According to Malaria No More, malaria kills a child every 30 seconds, and a $10 net can help prevent this infectious disease.

Donate to Alvin Greene's Campaign

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

South Carolina's Democratic candidate for Senate is encountering quite a bit of skepticism — and cruelty — regarding the authenticity of his campaign. Though he was somehow able to raise the $10,000 candidate-registration fee, he'll need far more financial support to make a dent against Republican incumbent Jim DeMint in November, whose war chest exceeds $3.5 million — pocket change for Elin.

Bail Out Another Housewife

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

While Elin may be asking for more than $700 mil, New Jersey housewife Teresa Giudice, of Bravo reality-show fame, could be saved with much less. Despite the exorbitant lifestyle she leads on TV, Guidice and her husband are some $11 million in debt. Once they stop faking the funk, maybe Elin could lend 'em a helping hand.

Bail Out an Entire Country

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

How about paying off the external debt of all of Equatorial Guinea? She'd still have half her fortune left to spend on designer shades.

Pay for YOUR Gas

Illustration for article titled What Elins Divorce Settlement Could Buy
Advertisement

For $700 million, Elin could give out 14,000,000 $50 gas gift cards, keeping your tank full and your transportation costs low (at least for a week)!

Share This Story

Get our newsletter