We Need to Talk About Sammy Sosa’s Face

Sammy Sosa (right) listens to attorney Jim Sharp during his testimony during a House-committee session investigating Major League Baseball’s effort to eradicate steroid use on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., on March 17, 2005 (Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

Former Chicago Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa did an interview recently, and I don’t think anyone heard a word he said because Sosa now looks like a chewed eraser. I don’t know what happened to him or who hurt Sosa, but the onetime Cubs great—minus the steroid-use allegations that followed him through the end of his career—has apparently allowed his self-hate to manifest all over his face.

Here’s a photo of Sosa and Sharon Osbourne taken in 2003:

Here’s an image of Sosa during his facial transformation:

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Conair TrueGlow Sonic Facial Brush + UV LED Sterilizer

Here’s a photo of Sosa shortly after the first phase of racial hatred:

Editor-in-Chief of DuJour Jason Binn, Sammy Sosa and David Arquette at Art Basel Miami Beach at the W Hotel South Beach in Miami on Dec. 3, 2014 (Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images)

And now, here he is looking like a weathered cow tongue:

I only ask that Black Jesus ignore me should this be a skin condition, but it appears that Sosa is suffering from the same disease that has afflicted Lil’ Kim.

Of course the internet has jokes; here are a few of my favorites:

Please make this make sense.

DISCUSSION

OctoberSurprise

Do you...do you think he is that color all over? Like, I wonder if he did just enough to pass as whatever it is he is going for and changed his face, neck, hands and feet, but his core is still covered in brown shame? And even if he did go all the way do you think he bleached...down there, you know, the dangly bits?