Trump's New Press Secretary Apparently Hates Black History

Illustration for article titled Trumps New Press Secretary Apparently Hates Black History
Screenshot: CNN (YouTube)

Before you criticize Trump’s new press secretary for rooting against everything black, you must acknowledge that everyone hates something.

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For me, it’s balled up tissue.

After every church service, when I arrived home, my grandmother would make me dump out the discarded Kleenexes from her pocketbook (which is different than a “purse”—you have to be in the official line of succession for Mother of the Church to own a “pocketbook”). I still shudder to think what was hidden inside those wads of single-serve toilet paper. Had she simply wiped away some well-earned Holy Ghost tears or were the tissues concealing a coughed-up loogie? Did the facial wipes contain a series of secret messages between usher board members or was I discarding the half-eaten peppermints that all church ladies were legally required to carry?

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Fortunately, I never looked but there is a long list of things that annoy me, including:

  • Flip flops: I can’t stand anything between my toes.
  • Darryl’s hair on The Walking Dead: Why is it so greasy? Can zombies smell shampoo?
  • Linen short sets: The official casual outfit of black uncles everywhere.
  • Unseasoned graham crackers: Why do they make the ones without sugar and cinnamon?
  • New Christmas music: Any song written after Jingle Bells is not a “Christmas carol,” It’s just a song about Santa or snow-frolicking.

Despite what you may think of my inane predispositions, you will notice that I have valid reasons for my hatred, which begs the question:

Why does Donald Trump’s new press secretary hate Black History Month, the first black president and everything with black skin?

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Donald Trump recently hired former Republican National Committee spokeswoman and Charles Blow personal space invader Kayleigh McEnany as his campaign spokeswoman. McEnany, whose first name means “Becky but with some Karen, too,” has been a vocal defender of Trump and a lifelong advocate for whiteness, including a years-long campaign against the harmful celebration of America’s past—Black History Month.

Resist Programming recently uncovered a now-deleted website curated by McEnany (pronounced like “picaninny”...probably) that touted her white nationalist-leaning conservative principles, including an article advocating for the end of black people celebrating their past.

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In response to media calling child-killer George Zimmerman a “white Hispanic” (which, by the way, the U.S. Census recognizes as a legitimate ethnic category) Pickaninny Karen later promoted a new commemoration for “White African American History Week.” To be fair, she also hates Barack Obama. She dedicated the proposed week to Barack Obama, whom she called the “first ‘White’ African American president,” a full year after pushing the discredited Birther conspiracy. McEnany also accused Obama of vacationing during the murder of Daniel Pearl, who was beheaded by terrorists six years before Obama was elected president.

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In an article on her now-deleted website (the internet never forgets), “The Case Against Black History Month,” Beckeigh with the Good Hate published and repeatedly promoted an article by “Jack from Manhattan” that explained the contempt for anyone other than white people remembering their past:

It’s February again, folks. We all know what that means: time for Black History Month. Time for the left to tell black people that we are victims of America again. Time to promote racial separatism and to undermine the idea that we are one nation. We keep hearing how black people should be treated like everyone else, so how come so many refuse to get rid of Black History Month and teach “black history” as part of history, as it should be?

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“Too many black people today seem to take that legacy and push for special protection under the law, usually at the expense of whites,” writes the mysterious “Jack from Manhattan” on Kayleigh’s website, Political Prospect (also deleted). “Why should people alive today, none of whom were enslaved, be allowed to collect reparations on behalf of the dead? Why should they be allowed to sully the legacy of the abolitionists and the civil rights crusaders by claiming that the moral failures of the past should be hung on those alive today who had nothing to do with it?”

Too bad she deleted the website because Political Prospect had a lot of great anti-black content. There was the article that said Trayvon Martin ”instigated the encounter and made it clear that he wanted to kill [George] Zimmerman,” adding that Michael Brown’s lack of a criminal record doesn’t mean he wasn’t a criminal because (you might want to catch your breath before you read this): “no one has a prior criminal record until they actually commit a crime.” Another Political Prospect article (again, this is McEnany’s website) proposed that Dr. Marc Lamont Hill and Civil Rights advocate Rev. William Barber would call Martin Luther King Jr. an “Uncle Tom” if he were alive today.

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Then there was the time McEnany insinuated that black voters were harassing white voters at the polls, like the New Black Panthers. She graciously told Bakari Sellers, a South Carolina native whose father was imprisoned for his civil rights activism, that the Confederate flag doesn’t represent racism. Or, remember that time Kayleigh the McNinny insisted Trump can’t be racist because his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, is Jewish?

Apparently McEnany doesn’t understand how racism works.

You know what would have cleared all of this up?

Perhaps someone should set aside a time where we could learn about the history of racism and discrimination. It would be nice to integrate it into the educational curriculum, but until then, since 13.4 percent of the U.S. population is black, what if this country dedicated 13.4 percent of our history lessons to learning obscure facts like how the Confederacy was about slavery and nothing else?

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Too much? OK, I’ll make a deal.

Enslaved black people were originally counted as three-fifths of a person (which you would have known if you had studied… never mind) but let’s go by those same “traditional American values.” What’s three-fifths of 13.4 percent? Perhaps that’s how many days of the year we should study black history.

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It’s 29 days?

Perfect. That’s almost an entire month! Maybe we should come up with a name for this commemoration of our black past. No, we can’t call it the “three-fifths compromise.” That name is already taken (Did you learn anything about…never mind). Oh wait, I know! Kayleigh McNincompoop’s website had a great name for it:

“Self-imposed historical segregation.”

Nah, that name is too long for the month dedicated to black history.

I’m sure we’ll think of something.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

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DISCUSSION

archaeopterixmajorus
Archaeyopterix Majorus

McEnany also accused Obama of vacationing during the murder of Daniel Pearl, who was beheaded by terrorists six years before Obama was elected president.

Can we just march these damn idiots over cliffs please