Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him on Twitter.
As happy as we are to learn that Antoine Dodson and his family got out of the projects after someone allegedly attempted to rape his sister, a part of us loathes how he has spun this episode for profit and marginal fame. You've all had your fun with him, but at this point it all seems so dumb. Really dumb. For real.
Captions by Michael Arceneaux
It wasn't enough for Sarah Palin to snatch headlines from more deserving people. In 2010, Mama Grizzly brought in her daughters Bristol and Willow. While one daughter was giving false hope to the rhythm-deficient everywhere on Dancing With the Stars, the other was launching homophobic tirades via Facebook. To top it off, the whole brood has invaded our TV sets on a new TLC reality show. Sarah, can you and your cubs get out of our Google reader and go back to Alaska?
She may be the Queen Bee, but Lil' Kim has been acting quite common lately. She can be mad at the success of newcomer Nicki Minaj, but the fact is that Kim's music hasn't been hot in years, and an ill-advised dis record doesn't change that. Go hard(er) in the studio or go find something else to do besides perpetuating the catty-bickering stereotype about women.
We felt bad for her when Kanye West took her moment at the 2009 VMAs, but someone please tell this self-righteous whiner that she's still rich, still selling more albums than everyone else and still a lot better off than the actual victims of the world.
Michael Steele is a firm believer in the adage "Quitters never prosper." That's a shame, because in his case, if Steele had quit the Republican National Committee, it might have done him some good. As it stands, his party still doesn't respect him, and his constant blunders don't help his cause. Take a break, sir. You and those gaffes have earned it.
It's common knowledge that Glenn Beck wouldn't know common sense if it came to him in an envelope marked "Duh!" But with his declaration that 10 percent of Muslims are terrorists (that's 157 million people), it's shocking that his tongue hasn't run away in protest yet. Is it too late to ask for a Christmas miracle?
Though the Atlanta rapper claims that he's only playing dumb when he says things like "Voting good!" Waka Flocka Flame isn't helping to advance the argument that hip-hop is not the destructive force that some of its detractors say it is. If Waka is telling the truth about his stupid shtick, he ought to spend 2011 trying to break into acting. He's got the gift.
As much as we liked "Pumps and a Bump," Hammer needn't have gotten mad when Jay-Z pointed out in a song the highly publicized financial woes Hammer faced more than a decade ago. And there was certainly no point in shooting a video for a Jay-Z dis track that ended with Hammer baptizing a Hov lookalike in a lake to cleanse his spirit of the devil — a nod to the Jay-Z Illuminati rumors. The dis track is called "Better Run Run," but Hammer needs to take his own advice and run all the way back to 1990, when we still cared.
A year ago, Keri Hilson told Complex magazine that she didn't want to sell sex or be oversexed. Then came the video for "The Way You Love Me," in which Hilson and her wayward crotch gyrated to lyrics about wanting to be f—-ed. She seems like a nice girl, but haven't we reached our quota for hip-swaying hypocrites?
Hurt people may hurt other people, but when you're an ex-boy bander peddling molestation charges as part of a promotional tool for your latest album, well, you need to have a seat — preferably on some therapist's couch and in a lawyer's comfy chair.
The functional-illiterate community's answer to Karrine Steffans used website World Star Hip Hop and Twitter to expose her sexual escapades with D-, E- and F-list rappers in order to gain notoriety. She may think she's winning, but her gynecologists and dismal self-esteem disagree.
While the more fringe elements of the group were touting socialist, Nazi and other conspiracy theories about President Barack Obama, its founding members were crying about deficits and government handouts that he was purportedly responsible for. Obama isn't Hitler's cousin, and it's actually the GOP that's pushing the deficit further up by pushing tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. And yet, where's the anger toward them? Exactly. Turn off your mic, Tea Party.
John McCain became the unofficial leader of the failed fight to keep the military's discriminatory policy against gays alive. Despite receiving the study, attending the hearings and getting the confirmation from military leadership that he asked for in order to support repeal of "Don't ask, don't tell," he continued to punt on progress. There are mavericks, and then there are bigots. Let go and let live already.
Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco makes Deion Sanders in his prime seem like he was afflicted with Sade-like shyness. We don't want to knock the man's hustle, but it would be nice if he allowed some other attention-whoring athlete to get a little shine next year.
In his film adaptation of Ntozake Shange's literary masterpiece, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf, Tyler Perry traded nuance for literalism and substance for sensationalism, and forgot to note the joy that was mixed with the melancholy of the play. Even worse, he reportedly snatched the film away from the woman originally tapped to direct it, Nzingha Stewart. His business acumen is to be respected, but it's much easier to respect someone personally when he is willing to give a rising star her chance to shine.
T.I. is like that constantly-in-trouble cousin you keep praying will get his life together, even though he continues to act as if his common sense was stolen in his sleep. Now that he's in jail again for the umpteenth time, T.I. said from behind bars, "I'm certainly sick and motherf—-ing tired of going to jail." And we're all tired of hearing about it.
Dear Joe: Michael is gone. You're not getting any more of his money. Let it go and find a new job, or learn to live off your Social Security check. Signed, the World.
John Mayer has a knack for the asinine, but when he tried to define the black experience to Playboy magazine and then referred to his penis as a white supremacist, the following sentiment was solidified: John Mayer needs to shut up. Forever.
Love don't live here anymore — just emptiness and memories of what they had before. As traumatic as it must be for lifelong Cavaliers fans to lose their great tall hope for an NBA championship, LeBron James is in the M-I-A now. In 2011, Cleveland fans need to let the hate go, accept the man's decision and look for a new love. It's getting embarrassing now.
Not only did she lie about her relationship with the married man whose name was tattooed on her body, but she took reality TV to new lows by filming her alleged suicide attempt. While we wish her well, in the future she is encouraged to heed the warnings of Real Housewives of Atlanta's NeNe Leakes and "close her legs to married men." Sorry, but the other woman doesn't always end up married with a baby, like Alicia Keys.
As much fun as we've had with the Cali Swag District's attempts to honor the Dougie (albeit two years after Dallas rappers had already done so) with their song "Teach Me How to Dougie," no young person wants to do the same dance as Barbara Walters and Wolf Blitzer. It's time to let the Dougie go so audiences can be taught how to do something else.
We know that none of them will really go away, but at the very least, can we not hear about Kim's, Khloe's and Kourtney's first, second and third steps of the day all day, every day? We get it: They're famous for nothing. We like them anyway, but a less-is-more approach to their coverage would be appreciated.