The President of the United States Just Publicly Went Out Like a Bitch. And That’s Fine by Us

Illustration for article titled The President of the United States Just Publicly Went Out Like a Bitch. And That’s Fine by Us
Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)

Starting almost 30 minutes late for his press conference, President Trump—surrounded by a bevy of white men (literally everyone behind him made up the evolution of white men)—appeared to use the strategy officially called “bubble guts,” softening his tone against Iran, which was vastly different than the Twitter tone he had a few days ago.


The president finally addressed Iran’s Tuesday night attacks on Iraqi bases that housed U.S. soldiers on Wednesday morning because he was watching Vanderpump Rules and he couldn’t be disturbed.

When the president finally spoke, he did three moves that I used to do when asked in elementary school why I didn’t have a girlfriend: lie, deflect, and then stand down but kick it like I’m not standing down.

From the president’s perspective, it looked like this: This is all Obama’s fault (lie). This wouldn’t be an issue if Obama would have handled it (deflect) and, We’ve got some big guns but be thankful that I believe in peace...Oh, and Obama.

The president completely bitched out. In fact, before the president stepped to the podium, Managing Editor Genetta Adams called it, noting that the president ain’t about that life.

“He’s going to pussy out like he did with [Speaker of the House] Nancy Pelosi and the [government] shutdown. He’s really a chicken when someone punches back.”


She was right and we’re both fine with the potential outcome.

None of this would be a thing if the president didn’t talk tough on Twitter. President Trump is basically a WWE wrestler who believes his storyline even when he’s not onscreen. He’s the businessman who’s businesses were given to him by his father. He’s a president whose election will always be noted with a Russian asterisk and he’s a Twitter tough guy who finger-thugs online only to punk out when pressed.


This could’ve been catastrophic. The strikes came less than a week after a U.S. airstrike killed Iranian Major Gen. Qassem Soleimani.

The most important point of the president’s ramblings was that no Americans were killed in Tuesday’s bombings. The president believes this was intentional and it doesn’t matter to me as long as more people didn’t die behind his bullshit. What would be amazing now, would be if the president stopped talking like he “keeps that fire on him” and starts acting like the bitch that he is.


There is nothing wrong with that, especially if it keeps America out of a war we don’t belong in.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


kidelo (i have a tiktok)

You know why he was 30 minutes late? They were waiting on the sun to be in the right position for him to make that Sun God entrance through the double doors. What an evangelical piece of stagecraft, how theatrical. I’m surprised the Mormon Tabernacle Choir wasn’t there to burst into Hallelujahs!

All that so His Tax Dodgerness could get up there and lie about Obama sigh once more sigh. Why he can’t get it into through his welfare cheese block head that the money Iran got during the accord belonged to Iran in the first place is beyond conversation at this point.

(OK trolls, you can tell me how fat, ugly, and unemployed I am now. I’ll just dismiss you knowing I’m none of those things.)