After three-plus years of ownership, Elon “Mein Kampf” Musk has managed to essentially strip X of Black Twitter, creating a void now filled by Threads, Instagram and TikTok. Unfortunately, the Black corners of those apps are now infected by an interminable conversation that was already tired when I was in college…25 years ago.
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Seems like one out of every five Black posts (on Threads especially) is connected to the “50-50” male-provider conversation – a bunch of single as shit folks talking about what they will and won’t tolerate in the future partner that God is gonna send them at some point before He returns for the Rapture.
The discourse is inescapable on our podcasts as well: Recently, “life coach” Dr. Cheyenne Bryant hopped on “Tha Green Box” podcast and explained why she wouldn’t date a man making $50,000 because he couldn’t come close to providing for her lifestyle.
The conversation sows division among Black folks unlike any other, and, like a cockroach lurking behind your icebox, it just won’t die. But allow me to try to put this foolishness to bed for good.
It all starts with “tradition” — an amalgamation of capitalism, religion, patriarchy and biology that led us to the belief that penis equals protector and provider. As we do with avocados and the Holy Bible, we pick and choose the traditions we rock with; Black folks have remained obstinate with this one, overlooking our reality in a country in which rising costs outpace salary and folks are perpetually broke and in debt.
Folks remain stuck in the mid-20th century mores we got from our grandparents. In my hometown of Detroit in the 1960s, a man with a high school diploma could — with his gig building cars for one of the Big Three automotive plants — buy a three-bedroom, three-level home for $11,000. His wife could stay home, tend house and raise their three children; he might even be able to pay for their in-state college tuition when that shit cost about 27 cents a semester.
In contrast, the average starting income for a college grad today is about $68,000 –- while the average starter home anywhere close to a major city rubs up against half a mil. The average new car note hits for an eye-draining $750 a month. If you decide to grace the world with your spawn, just send your bank account off to commit seppuku: 10-year-olds are no longer good with $10 Etch-a-Sketches — they need $700 smartphones (for some reason).
So…if you want a house, kids, a couple Audis in the driveway and to pay few to no bills while your man works, you might need to suffice with living somewhere with four traffic lights, three local pubs, two gas stations and a partridge in a Dollar Tree. Want that lifestyle in a New York, Washington D.C., Los Angeles, or damn near anywhere that matters in California…? Dude had better be Phillip Banks.
And, considering only six percent of Black Americans make six figures, good luck in the “Hunger Games” battle for his commitment.
Social media would also have you believe that any man willing to allow his wife to be the breadwinner is a f***ing godless loser. But because of the education gap between Black men and women, while women still earn a fraction of a man’s dollar, many sistas are now out-earning brothas. Yet many Black folks of both sexes remain ridiculously uncomfortable with a man taking a domestic role — managing kids and making a nice home for his hard-working wife to land. Something-something about Timothy and Corinthians…but it’s 2026, y’all. Grow up.
Now, no one is suggesting that women (or men) should accept low-earning, low-aspirational partners just because they’re “nice” or because they do that thing you like with their pinky finger — nor should you accept someone whose goals don’t align with yours.
A high-paying man or woman looking for financial parity in a partner is understandable, because if you’ve created a lifestyle for yourself through hard work, why bring in someone for whom you must threaten your accumulating wealth by paying for everything? If Dr. Bryant is likely well-compensated; it’s reasonable for her to not want to marry the senior rug cleaner at a Carvana store.
Among the most effortless dating situations I’ve been in is when we’re both well-compensated and don’t think twice about paying for things for each other – because neither of us are treating the other like a child dependent. However, the real 50-50 conversation shouldn’t be about strictly remuneration – it’s about the division of all things to keep family and household afloat. If I excel at cleaning the bathtub and you excel at wiping moist toddler ass, we should act to our strengths.
Unfortunately, far too many men in two-income homes with children tend to leave more work for the woman and, in many cases, not even realize it…because the patriarchy. A balance in which no one feels taken advantage of is rare, but it exists.
But hey…if you think everything you just read is poppycock, stick with your antiquated paradigm. Everyone should get what they want and can command. As with all things you want, however, make peace with the possibility that you may never achieve it despite your best efforts. Damn shame to stay single forever because you refuse to pay a light bill, though.
Straight From 
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