The Blackest Black Friday

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Getty Images

It’s that time of year again. No, not Thanksgiving. Who cares? I’m talking about Black Friday!

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There's a reason why the biggest shopping day of the year is called Black Friday. And it has nothing to with burnt turkey or Target’s bottom line.

The annual discounts offered after Thanksgiving can be hell on the newbie shopper. Pre-dawn start times, angry mobs and endless lines all in the name of saving money.

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If you don’t think you have the chops to take on Black Friday, take a few lessons from The Root.

1. PICK THE RIGHT ACCOMPLICE.

Got friends who can slide blades underneath their tongue? Bring ‘em! The store aisles on Black Friday are not for the weak. You need an enforcer who will make sure you don’t end up with a black eye.

2. CRACK THE SYSTEM.

Chances are you spend most of your work day logged on Facebook and Twitter anyway, so why not use both networks to scope out deals and plan your mission? Wanna know even more shopping secrets? There’s an app for that!

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3. MAKE A HIT LIST. CHECK IT TWICE.

Do you show up at a restaurant not knowing what to eat? Well, this isn’t a restaurant. This is Black Friday; no menus allowed. You make a list; you check it twice; you go into the store knowing exactly what you want. No excuses!

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4. JUST SAY “NO” … “HELL, NO.”

If some shopper-come-lately skips the line minutes before doors open at Walmart or tries to grab that $3 coffee maker you stood hours in line for, give them a, “HELL, NO!” Roll your neck for effect. Don’t be a coward … that’s for people who shop on the day after Christmas.

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5. DON’T GO ROGUE!

Stick to your list. Don’t lose your friend. The minute you get a false sense of security is the minute you miss out on that HDTV you don’t even need. Sarah Palin went rogue on the campaign … you see where that got her.

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Michael Arceneaux blogs for The Root at The Recession Diaries.

Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him on Twitter.

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