In a piece at News One, Michael Arceneaux writes a satirical admonishment of Rep. Kevin Cramer (R-N.D.), who invoked a biblical quote to support his calls to drastically cut food stamps for the young, elderly and poor. "No matter, though, because like most arguments framed by way of a biblical citation, there's more than likely several parts of scripture that can be employed to form a counterargument," Arceneaux writes.
As most of you know from scripture, Jesus Christ was a venture capitalist who gave zero damns about the varying dilemmas facing the poor.
As he once explained to his BFF and favorite disciple, Saint Ronald Reagan, "If those po’ folks can’t get off their lazy a*ses and catch their own fish, bake their own loaves of bread, and find their own spices, it ain’t my fault!" He then proceeded to say he had no time for fake ones; [he's only here to] just sip someone’s Cristal with these real ones.
If this version of events doesn’t sound familiar to you, you’re probably a Godless, socialist-leaning lefty who could stand to get yourself some religion. By religion, I mean capitalism, which seems to trounce all Christian dogma in the minds of conservatives like Rep. Kevin Cramer (R-ND), who last week made headlines after invoking a Biblical quote to slam the impoverished. Cramer was responding to constituent (and probable Satanist) who opposed his calls to drastically cut food stamps for the young, elderly, and poor.
Cramer, who I presume is Christian, or at least, claims the title in order to assume elected office, told the constituent, "If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat."
Read Michael Arceneaux's entire post at News One.
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Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him on Twitter.