Marking a record-breaking technological accomplishment, the white woman who called the police on a black woman sleeping in a common room in a Yale dormitory became the first person ever to tweet white tears when she took to Twitter on Wednesday to lament the fact that she has become a victim of her own Beckydom.

Not all white people.

After challenging the Colorado political machine, white feminists, white liberals and the entire Democratic Party, a Colorado woman is causing an avalanche of white tears after she responded to a rhetorical question about giving up on white people by answering: “Yes.”

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Suckabee, is still drinking the White House Kool-Aid—the special blend of indignant righteous and aloof ramblings that allows for unfathomable levels of heartlessness.

Alan Dershowitz is a white, Jewish defense attorney who is famous for having served on the OJ Simpson “Dream Team.” Seeing as we all know how white people feel about OJ being acquitted for the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, you would think that particular part of his personal history would be what…

The same white woman who used her white-woman privilege first to bully an 8-year-old black girl who was selling water and then to call the police on said little black girl for being noncompliant is now pouring out her white-woman tears in the aftermath of the incident and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. She…

White people are oppressed.

Pssst! Deputy Managing Editor Yesha Callahan is off today flying to the BET Awards, so I get to break all the usual protocol! If it were not for this necessary explanation, I wouldn’t even write this lede. But today’s mailbag will focus on one specific topic, namely the opinion piece titled, “White people Are Cowards.”

Let’s all collectively take our minds off the very racist and problematic wart on America’s flabby white ass, Roseanne Barr’s peak caucasity, and focus on a few other wypipo in the world who need to be stopped. She exhausts me, but honestly, all wypipo do.

George Zimmerman, who killed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in 2012, has revealed that he is $2.5 million in debt, with no income on top of that.

A black attorney in Arizona had a package mistakenly delivered to his home by UPS last week. Although the package is addressed to someone who lives just on the next block, he is waiting for UPS to come get the package and take it to the right house instead of taking it to his neighbor himself, and he has a good reason…

I’ve seen a lot of white things in my life.

I didn’t know who comedian Michelle Wolf was before, but I know her now. And I think I love her.

Recently, Lauren Southern, Tomi Lahren’s Canadian sister in the white supremacist struggle, highlighted the perilous plight of white South Africans, who—gasp—are being discriminated against ... this, in the very country known throughout the world for its racial tolerance!

It’s official: Black Panther is a blockbuster hit, and our feelings will never be done with this film. This movie has emotionally affected us all. While there are many melanated people who are swathed in pride because of Black Panther’s representation and all-out beauty, there are just as many (if not more)…

1. The matter-of-fact way he states, “Today was not a good learning day.” Which, in this context, is the equivalent of starting a sentence with, “But I just think it’s kinda funny that ... ”

After the death of Erica Garner, the 27-year-old daughter of police-brutality victim Eric Garner, many people who were aware of her activism were left with a sense of loss. Others, including some of the writers at The Root who knew and respected Erica, were stunned at the sudden death of someone so young and so…

From trusting black women to not trusting white tears ... this is where we are on Judge of Characters these days. But not everything is a black-or-white issue, and we certainly saw that with a recent viral story: Keaton Jones. Keaton’s mother released a video of her son crying, questioning why bullying was a thing.…

A man named “Lee Dragna” filed a lawsuit against the New Orleans Saints in which he claimed that the protests during the national anthem upset him and his family so much that he was unable to enjoy the games. I am not completely convinced that this lawsuit is a real thing—or even that “Lee Dragna” is a real name—but…

1. At the 0:09 mark, Sharon Reed says there’s some “confusion behind the scenes.” Which is a lie in the same black-ass vein as someone beginning a sentence with “It’s just funny that ... ” when what’s about to follow isn’t funny at all. This is professional Negro judo. “Sharon Reed” is Swahili for “Pai Mei.”