Woman Who Called Police on 2 Black Yale Students Says She's 'Done Absolutely Nothing Wrong' in Whitest Tweets Ever

Marking a record-breaking technological accomplishment, the white woman who called the police on a black woman sleeping in a common room in a Yale dormitory became the first person ever to tweet white tears when she took to Twitter on Wednesday to lament the fact that she has become a victim of her own Beckydom.

Rich White People Shunning Other Rich White People For Supporting Donald Trump Is Hilarious

Alan Dershowitz is a white, Jewish defense attorney who is famous for having served on the OJ Simpson “Dream Team.” Seeing as we all know how white people feel about OJ being acquitted for the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, you would think that particular part of his personal history would be what…

From White Privilege to White Tears: #PermitPatty Sobs That She Really Didn’t Mean for Police to Come

The same white woman who used her white-woman privilege first to bully an 8-year-old black girl who was selling water and then to call the police on said little black girl for being noncompliant is now pouring out her white-woman tears in the aftermath of the incident and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. She…

Judge of Characters: Colonizers Are Having a Hard Time Stomaching Black Panther’s Success

It’s official: Black Panther is a blockbuster hit, and our feelings will never be done with this film. This movie has emotionally affected us all. While there are many melanated people who are swathed in pride because of Black Panther’s representation and all-out beauty, there are just as many (if not more)…

New Orleans Saints Season Ticket Holder Sues Team Because of Anthem Kneeling, Then Drowns in Tub of Salty White Tears

A man named “Lee Dragna” filed a lawsuit against the New Orleans Saints in which he claimed that the protests during the national anthem upset him and his family so much that he was unable to enjoy the games. I am not completely convinced that this lawsuit is a real thing—or even that “Lee Dragna” is a real name—but…