If you know like I know, bow your heads.

Heavenly Savior,

New Year’s resolutions are fun. They’re also notoriously hard to sustain, and ultimately we only come up with them because other people do and we hate it when we’re at dinner and going around the table and we don’t have shit to say. So here are things many of us say that we know aren’t real but we believe they are at…

Before a Wednesday Cabinet meeting, the Grinch Who Stole the Middle Class’s Christmas informed the members of the press that they should stay for a few minutes to join Snow White Supremacist and the Seven Demons in prayer. Led by the successful surgeon, failed dick-stabber, and Secretary of Housing and Urban…

Dearest Ray,

Let us bow our heads in prayer.

Congregation of St. Panama Jackson the United Methodist Baptist Pentecostal AME Church of God in Christ Episcopal Primitive Missionary Baptist Downward Dog Down by the Riverside Holiness Church, please bow your heads:

Congregation of St. Panama Jackson the United Methodist Baptist Pentecostal AME Church of God in Christ Episcopal Primitive Missionary Baptist Down By The Riverside Holiness Church, please bow your heads…again:

Congregation of St. Panama Jackson the United Methodist Baptist Pentecostal AME Church of God in Christ Episcopal Primitive Missionary Baptist Down By The Riverside Holiness Church, please bow your heads:

Lookin' down on my soul now

If you haven't yet seen the video of a "formerly" gay man renouncing homosexuality and declaring that he likes wimenwimenwimenwimen during a church service, take a moment after you're done reading this to thank me for introducing this to your life. It is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thing I've seen this year.