Why President Obama's Final 4th of July White House BBQ Will Be The Blackest Thing That Ever Happened

It's been well-established that President Obama discarded the last one of his fucks many moons ago; letting it go the same way Kappas forsake dignity at coed kickball games. We don't know exactly where he left that last fuck, but my guess would be in a bathroom sink in Ben's Chili Bowl on U Street, which is where…

Thanksgiving Foods You Won't Eat Unless You're Absolutely, Positively Sure Of Who Made Them

It's November. And since it's November, Thanksgiving — my favorite holiday — is right around the corner. Which means many of us will be traveling to or hosting family soon, and have already started making plans and arrangements. And, while determining things like "Is Uncle Frank bringing his kids?" and "Who's picking…