nuclear weapons
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North Korea Won’t Give Up Nuclear Weapons, but It’s Willing to Build a Fast-Food Joint in Honor of Trump: Report
In what might be arguably the weirdest story to come out of the Trump administration, it turns out that North Korea has no intention of giving up nuclear weapons, but it will consider adding a Western-style burger joint in Pyongyang as a show of good faith. Umm, the fuck? How are these two things even…
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Trump, Come Get Your Boy! Vladimir Putin Claims Russia Has Nuclear Weapons That Can’t Be Intercepted
While the president of the United States holds paper-airplane-throwing competitions inside the Oval Office against chief of staff John Kelly and Secretary of Defense James Mattis (yes, Kelly and Mattis manipulated their airplanes so that the president’s paper plane flies farther), Russian president, and America’s play cousin, Vladimir Putin is boasting that he has nuclear…
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Taunting Kim Jong Un Into World War III Seems Like a ‘Violent Threat,’ so Why Won’t Twitter Suspend Donald Trump’s Account?
If, by chance, you happened to be invited to my house to play Mafia and eat some takeout from Nicky’s Thai Kitchen (I recommend the crab fried rice and the shrimp pad Thai) and you were greeted at my front door by my 2-year-old daughter, you’d probably think it was cute but mostly vaguely neglectful.…
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Should Congress Take Away Trump’s Authority to Pre-Emptively Launch a Nuclear Strike?
Over the past few months, members from both chambers of Congress have expressed doubt over whether President Donald Trump should retain the presidential authority to unilaterally launch a pre-emptive nuclear strike. His temperament, childish Twitter rants about North Korean leader Kim Jong Un and reckless language over nuclear use have frightened some lawmakers into introducing…
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Why Scrapping the Iran Deal Is a Dumb Move, Explained
President Donald Trump is expected to announce this week that he’ll scrap the Iran nuclear deal, former President Barack Obama’s compromise with Tehran not to pursue nuclear weapons in exchange for access to the global economy. Trump has long derided the 2015 deal as “one-sided” and poorly negotiated. Key members of his administration, including Secretary…
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Trump Is Clearly Trying to Start a Nuclear War With North Korea; Here Are 5 Things I’m Going to Miss When It Happens
On Tuesday, the president of back-road moonshine runners decided to have a full-on dick-measuring contest with the most unstable nation in the whole, entire world: North Korea. Think about this; North Korea is so incredibly unstable that the one American, out of the billions of Americans in existence, North Korea loves is Dennis Rodman, arguably…
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Why Are We Threatening Crazy Uncle North Korea?
Everyone except this dumb-ass administration knows that North Korea is the crazy uncle in Grandma’s basement that you don’t bother because he’s unstable. You just leave his plate at the top of the stairs and shut the door. But no, not President Vladimir TrumPutin. Because he believes that being president is akin to being Chuck…