It all started with a phone call.

One of my least favorite scams is the one that fast-food restaurants do at drive-thrus to make it look like orders are being made and provided to customers in a timely fashion. You know the one: You order and get to the pay window, only to be told to stay there until they tell you to move forward, or you get to the…

1. Jordan Clarkson hoops like how the screen would look in the ’90s when you tried watching porn on a pay-per-view channel you didn’t order.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), aka “Grown-Up Eddie Munster,” posted a photo of himself at the Toyota Center on Monday night, where the Houston Rockets were set to take on the Golden State Warriors, and all Rockets fans knew it was downhill from there.

Perhaps if the Boston Celtics had beaten the Cleveland Cavs or if the Houston Rockets hadn’t morphed into rancid Twizzlers in the second half Monday night, we’d have a more competitive NBA Finals ahead of us. I don’t believe the Celtics could have beaten the Golden State Warriors, but they have enough long, bouncy and…

The NBA—the best professional sports league in the history of history—is back Tuesday night, with 30 teams all vying to be the one that wins the last game of the season. Here’s why none of them will.

All those jokes about the Golden State Warriors blowing a 3-1 series lead to lose the 2016 championship can come to an end now. In a most beautiful and poetic finish, the Warriors, who came into Monday night’s game leading the NBA Finals series 3-1, pulled off a flawless victory and won the game with a 9-point lead,…

Gabrielle, you gotta come and get your man.

In 2011, Kevin Durant and LeBron James weren’t bitter rivals—in fact, I doubt they are now, but they are currently competing against each other for world domination in the NBA Finals—and they secretly collaborated on a rap that doesn’t appear to be half bad.

It's apropos that Lebron James, the greatest basketball player of the 21st century, has made (and will continue to make) the debate about whether he or Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever a valid and relevant one with his most underrated characteristics: his stamina and consistency. There has not…

I have no idea who’s going to win the NBA Finals. I don’t even know if part 3 of the Warriors-vs.-Cavaliers trilogy is going to be any good. For every Dark Knight, Bourne Identity or Iron Man trilogy, there’s an Austin Powers or Star Wars prequel trilogy.

Last night, the Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Golden State Warriors 93 to 89. It was game seven of the NBA Finals, and if you win game seven of a series, it means you win the series. This means the Cavs, not the Warriors, are the NBA champions.

1. Saying Lebron James is the best basketball player in the world feels like such a matter-of-fact and unnecessary assertion that saying it aloud makes me feel dumber. Like saying "Hey, that dog over there is a mammal." Or perhaps "That Kappa over there is wearing a sweater vest. In July. While playing flag football."…

1. It's far too early to make any concrete declarations about victors or losers in this series. Mainly because Stephen Curry is a preternaturally gifted lightskinned genie equipped with the ability to actually make the type of shots that regularly get terrible pick-up basketball players stabbed for even attempting.…

Tonight, the Golden State Warriors will host the Cleveland Cavaliers for the first game of what should be a very entertaining finals. You have stars (Lebron, Curry, Kyrie, Klay), multiple compelling storylines, feisty Australians with hockey playoff beards, Draymond Green — the patron saint of "Wishanigga Woods", and…