Today’s mailbag is long, so the intro will be short. This week’s roundup of emails, comments, tweets and direct messages comes from white people who aren’t racist; they just want the writers at The Root to stick to facts.
Yesterday, after discovering that the Cleveland Cavaliers traded Isaiah Thomas, Dwyane Wade, Derrick Rose, Channing Iman Shumpert, Jae Crowder, Winston Churchill and Jesus H. Christ for a half-eaten bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, in a failed attempt to make a joke, I suggested that I was leaving The Root:
Hey, look, guys, I need to admit something: This whole mailbag thing may have been a bad idea.
Each Thursday I wade through all the mean emails, tweets, comments and direct messages sent to the writers at The Root and find the ones that warrant a response. I examine them for white tears, anger and racism and formulate a response in my head. Then I look at my computer and say:
I am currently suffering from the flu and feel like I’m going to die. But because of my dedication to the readers of The Root, I crawled out of bed to respond to a few emails, tweets, comments and direct messages we receive during the week. (And because, when I told my editor, Yesha Callahan, about my sickness, she…
If you enjoy our weekly roundup of emails, tweets, direct messages, comments and that one voicemail we did months ago, you probably won’t like this edition of the Clapback Mailbag. You might not even recognize it.
Today’s mailbag is dedicated to Tucker Carlson, Fox News and all the white people around the world who believe that The Root is racist. Your claims have been overlooked for too long. They make movies about make-believe stuff like Santa Claus, Bigfoot and Caucasians who can dance, but never took the time to address…
It seems like only yesterday that we began highlighting the emails, tweets, comments and messages from our readers. As we close out 2017, we would like to thank our haters because we don’t know where we’d be without you. (Actually, we do know where we’d be without you. We’d be fractionally happier, I’d probably have a…
Yesterday, Deputy Managing Editor Yesha Callahan told me, and I quote: “No one wants to wait around for the mailbag tomorrow ... and by ‘no one,’ I mean me.”
You’re the real racists.
Why is clapping back so important? I’ve been asked that question a million times (I’m bad at math). But I thought we should take some time to explore this question.
I have a confession. The Root’s staff is going to kill me for revealing this top secret information, but in the spirit of openness and honesty, I feel it needs to be said, so here goes:
In the wake of the Thanksgiving holiday, we would like to offer a kinder, gentler Clapback Mailbag this week. Instead of clapping back at the people who send emails, tweets and direct messages, we would like to thank our haters, because without them, where would we be?
Today’s Clapback Mailbag is dedicated to last week’s mailbag. I know this sounds like some Inception-level shit where we make references to a mailbag inside a mailbag about the mailbag, so I will include some new stuff, too.
I want to dedicate this mailbag to my hangover. I think someone slipped a headache into my drink last night at The Root 100 gala. It’s either a hangover or I have sudden-onset brain cancer. That’s not a thing, is it?
Happy Clapback Day! Yes, we’re making it a day of the week. The name “Friday” wasn’t imaginative enough. Plus, it has nothing to do with frying. If they only served fried chicken and french fries, then I’d be cool with the name, but I think the last day before the weekend should be reserved for clapping back.
It’s clapback Friday, and you know what that means: Time for me to sit down and write another introduction for the emails, tweets and comments that The Root receives during the week.
I’m sorry. First, I would like to apologize to the readers who trusted me to bring them the latest and best clapbacks of the week. Next, I want to issue my deepest regrets to all the idiots, racists and people with generally bad grammar who feel ignored. I have failed you.
I’m sorry, y’all, but this week we’re featuring only one piece of email. It’s not that we didn’t receive a lot of hate mail this week. (Don’t worry; we won’t ever run out of shitty comments from disgruntled readers of The Root—ever). It’s just that answering more than one piece of email this week would be redundant…
It’s Friday, you ain’t got no job (the U.S. lost 33,000 jobs this month, according to the new unemployment numbers), so you might as well chill with us and check out some mail from some of The Root’s disgruntled readers. (Is that enough of a lede, Deputy Managing Editor Yesha Callahan?* Yes, I’m dedicating this…