border wall
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President Trump’s Border Wall Refuses Breathalyzer, Field Sobriety Test After Being Caught Falling Down
Question: What do Trump’s bullshit border wall and the London Bridge have in common? Answer: Both of them shits stay falling down. On Wednesday, images of Trump’s impenetrable border wall, which was supposed to be made of some the toughest rhino skins and strongest elephant tusks, began popping up on Al Gore’s internet. The wall,…
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Is Donald Trump Planning to Invade Mexico?
After punking out on the Kurds like Joffrey in the Battle of Blackwater, Commander in Chief and yellow-bellied bone spur sufferer Donald Trump has offered the services of the U.S. Armed forces to help Mexico defend its dwindling supply of white people. On Monday, nine members of a prominent American-Mexican family, including three women and…
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Someone Came Up With a Pretty Simple Way to Breach Trump’s ‘Impenetrable’ Border Wall
Less than two months after Donald Trump hailed his dumb border wall as a “virtually impenetrable” barrier that couldn’t be breached by “world-class climbers,” officials report that industrious border-crossers have figured out a clever way to bypass the wall: A saw and a ladder. The Washington Post reports that people whose level of genius appears…
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Dumber Than a 5th-Grader: Donald Trump Plans to Build a Wall Around Colorado
Budget analysts, pundits, and anyone who made it past third-grade social studies was stunned to hear the shocking news that the Trump administration planned to extend his border wall into Colorado. On Wednesday evening, Trump spoke before a soldout crowd in Pittsburgh. (The low-information, magenta-necked supporters in the audience didn’t actually purchase tickets, but many…
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8-Year-Old Girl Climbs Replica of Border Wall Trump Claimed He Tested on ‘World-Class’ Climbers
Donald Trump is a terrible liar. Some people misunderstand that statement because they believe it means that lies are terrible; therefore, Donald Trump tells a lot of terrible lies. Others think it means that Donald Trump is a terrible person who lies. While both of those things are true, Donald Trump is a terrible liar…
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Report: Trump Wanted to Shoot, Electrocute and Use Alligators on Migrants at Mexican Border
One of the things I find most fascinating about stupid people is the unseen machinations of their minds. When they commit acts of numbskullery, I always wonder about the things they didn’t do. Did Jussie Smollett consider a story about being abducted by racist, homophobic aliens before he devised the post-Subway sandwich MAGA kidnapping idea?…
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Supremes Give Trump Green Light to Use Military Funds to Build His Precious Wall
By a 5-4 vote Friday night, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Donald Trump can co-opt funds meant for the military to fund his beloved wall at the southern border between the U.S. and Mexico. Trump trumpeted the ruling on Twitter as a “BIG VICTORY,” which came in the form of a one-paragraph, unsigned finding…
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A Federal Judge in California Temporarily Blocked Trump’s Border Wall Funds
On Friday, a federal judge in California temporarily blocked Donald Trump’s invalid administration, preventing the transfer of $1 billion in Defense Department funds to build a border fencing wall. As reported by NPR, U.S. District Judge Haywood Gilliam “did not rule on an additional $3.6 billion in funds from military construction projects that have…
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Man Who Raised $22 Million for Border Wall Breaks Silence to Say He's Going to Keep Being Silent With Y’all’s Money
The man who started a GoFundMe and raised some $22 million to help build the border wall that only racists, xenophobes and racist xenophobes want and then went radio silent with all that white-nationalist scratch is speaking out. After several news outlets began wondering where all that border wall money went, Brian Kolfage, an Air…