I spent $300 on bras last week. Lane Bryant had an incredible sale: any single bra for $29.50. On Thanksgiving night, I bought four bras on their website. On Black Friday, I bought six more. I felt accomplished. This was a big fucking deal. I couldn’t keep it to myself. I had to share it with all my ample-bosomed…

1. Hmm. Okay. That was…something.

You know what's great? Boobs. Do you know how I know they're great? Because nearly everybody loves them. Men love them. They make us happy. Women love them? They are orbs worthy of appreciation. Everybody can appreciate curves it seems. Even kids love them. They remind them of pillows. And who doesn't love pillows?…