While there is a full-on investigation about Meghan’s alleged “bullying” taking place, this matter will just be handled behind closed doors. Huh. Also, we peep the passive-aggressive tone of “while some recollections may vary,” which is pretty much undermining Meghan and Harry’s truth.

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If that mess wasn’t enough of a royal clusterfuck on a Tuesday morning, Meghan’s estranged father Thomas Markle decided the best thing to do after his daughter opened up about her traumatic experience was to appear on the show co-anchored by an obsessed oatmeal-face named Piers Morgan (who threw a tantrum after being critiqued for a few seconds despite going on tome-sized rants about Meghan and Harry leaving the U.K. and is apparently leaving said show, Good Morning Britain).

In the interview, Thomas claimed that the last time he had spoken with Meghan and Harry was when he was in the hospital being treated for a heart attack and contacted them to inform them that he wouldn’t be able to make it to their wedding ceremony.

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Thomas also vowed to continue to do press until they speak with him. When asked why he is doing so much press, Thomas replied, “Because they’re not talking to me.”

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“I don’t think the British royal family are racist,” Thomas said, dismissing the incident involving Archie’s skin tone as a potential “dumb question.” Hmm. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone in his immediate family had similar thoughts or expressions, so there’s that.

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And there’s your afternoon tea for this very messy day. ‘Til next time!