R. Kelly Fans Pay Up to $100 to Watch Human Trashbag Sing for 28 Seconds

I plan on keeping this blog about as short as R. Kelly’s performance this past weekend.

Robert Kelly, who is facing ten counts of felony aggravated sex abuse in Cook County, Ill., performed for a whole 28 seconds at the Dirty South Lounge in Springfield early Sunday morning.

That’s not a typo. That’s 28 seconds—as in, not even 30 seconds. As in, long enough for you to take your first sip from a whiskey sour, blink three times, check a text, and then realize the performance is over.

According to local TV stations WICS and WRSP (h/t Huffington Post) about 100 suckers people showed up to watch Kelly perform at the 450 person-capacity club, paying between $100 and $50 (prices dropped once the performance started) to watch a man who has been accused of sexual abuse for decades sing maybe two lines from a song.

After his “performance,” Robert spent about a half hour hanging out with fans and taking selfies. According to local reports, some fans said the show wasn’t worth the price of admission but maintained their support for the accused pedophile, saying they could separate the allegations from the artist.

And he can damn sure separate them from their money.

Before the show, Robert asked the media to “take it easy on [him],” explaining that he needed to perform so he could make money as he awaits trial.

I’ll keep it short: nah.