Politics
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Trump Says He Will Suspend Immigration Into the United States. Now If He Could Only Get Someone to Write the Executive Order
Trump is a victim of poor performance. According to several Russian prostitutes whom I didn’t speak with but will speak for, the president tends to jump the gun. On Tuesday, Trump’s minions—also known as his administration—were hurrying to get together an executive order after Trump late-night tweeted to Vladimir Putin “Hey, big head. You up?”…
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When Did White House Correspondent Yamiche Alcindor Become a Necklace? Because She Stays on Trump’s Neck
If you were to ask PBS NewsHour White House correspondent Yamiche Alcindor to send you her location, you would get a ping that shows the White House and a response that says, “She’s on the president’s neck.” On Monday, during a Trump rally disguised as a coronavirus press briefing, the president tried to run one…
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Congressional Black Caucus PAC Unanimously Endorses Joe Biden for President [Corrected]
Members of the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) have been lining up behind former Vice President Joe Biden for months. Biden has all but claimed the Democratic nomination for president, and the CBC PAC has now officially unanimously endorsed him for president. The Associated Press reports that the CBC PAC endorsed Biden on Monday in a…
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Disgraced Former Trump Attorney Michael Cohen to be Freed From Prison Early Because of the Coronavirus’ Proximity to His Valuable White Lungs
Brilliant comedian Chris Rock had this bit during his comedy special Bigger and Blacker in which he “joked” that there isn’t a white person in the room who would be willing to trade places with him and he’s rich. I know I’m paraphrasing here but, he explained that for even a downtrodden white person, it…
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Can Someone Get Ben Carson to Explain to Trump that Chinatown and China Aren’t The Same Thing?
I know it doesn’t look like Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Ben Carson, is a really smart man, but I assure you that before falling into the sunken place, he was one the world’s most beloved neurosurgeons. He may have been the world’s only neurosurgeon. Seriously name another neurosurgeon without Googling. So I know…
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Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner Are Both Full of Shit
For some reason—maybe it’s proximity to the president, maybe it’s because Trump’s sons have been such a disappointment, maybe it’s because Trump just wants to see them win—both Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner have been forced down America’s throats. Think of them as America’s own bizarro version of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle if Prince…
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Trump Made Another Empty Threat. Something About Adjourning Congress, but Here’s Why He Can’t Do That Either
Trump does this thing when he’s losing, and the move isn’t sophisticated or even nuanced. Trump literally finds something else to complain about and it doesn’t even have to be a legitimate grievance; it just has to be something else. Anything else. So after getting laughed at and smacked around by America’s governors when Trump…
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IG Honey Steve Mnuchin Believes $1,200 Stimulus Check Should Last Americans 10 Weeks
Secretary of Treasury Steve Mnuchin’s wife Buffy, (OK, I don’t know her name but Buffy seems fitting for this post. Fine, her name is Louise Linton,) once flossed so hard on Instagram, she literally hashtagged all of her wildly expensive wears after a day trip with her man. “Great #daytrip to #Kentucky! #nicest #people #beautiful…
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Kamala vs. the Coronavirus
Kamala Harris knows how to fight. When The Root solicited the California senator (for now…hint, hint) for our series on how the novel strain of the coronavirus could impact the not-so-novel strain of white supremacy that has infected this nation for centuries, she didn’t bother discussing how American ingenuity could defeat the deadly disease. Unlike…