Nutty Negroes -- Campaign 2008

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Whether he wins or loses, Barack Obama has proven one thing: You no longer need to have a perm or take a trip to the seminary to make it on the national political scene. But for every step forward, the presidential contender has won for the race in the endless 2008 campaign, some kooky colored fool (see, Wright, Rev.) has cropped up to drag us two steps back. It has become all-too apparent during this long slog that some of us are afflicted with Nutty Negro-itis: an incurable form of verbal diarrhea that prompts you to speak as if your brain and tongue just took a big dip in the toilet.

Now that this campaign is coming to a close, let us review the Nuttiest Negroes Campaign 2008. Because whatever we might have lost in racial self-esteem, we have gained so much in pure entertainment value.

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Pastor Manning

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If you've never watched The Boondocks, there's a character named Uncle Ruckus, a self-hating black man that acts as if God sprinkled a little something extra on white people when he created them. Pastor Manning makes Uncle Ruckus look like Eldridge Cleaver.

During one sermon, the good reverend said: "The way the Negro people are turning against Hillary and Bill Clinton these days for Obama is unprecedented. You see how unreliable and unfaithful and fickle the Negro people are? They left you for that half-white boy. You see how they are?"

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Juan Williams

He works for FOX News, yet had the gall to suggest that Gwen Ifill had a conflict of interest in the vice presidential debate because of her book, though the title and subject matter were announced long before both sides agreed to her moderating the debate.

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That's like a crackhead turning up his nose at a drunk.

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For bringing up Barack Obama's past cocaine use, for defending Geraldine Ferraro's racist comments, for acting as if Bill and Hillary Clinton are the Adam and Eve of black people: Fail.

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Andrew Young

He may never live down that moment back in December 2007, while speaking on the local Atlanta program, Newsmakers Live, after sharing his views on Barack Obama, he had this to say about Bill Clinton: "Bill is every bit as black as Barack. He's probably gone with more black women than Barack."

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Mr. Young, I thank you so much for your service and sacrifice in advancing the race, but sit down and stay there. And please, take Jesse with you.

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Jesse Jackson

If you doubt why Jesse is on the list, I have two words for you: the nutcracker. And if Cashew Cruncher's outbursts weren't bad enough, Jesse has made himself an unlikely (and unsolicited) spokesperson for the Obama campaign, telling the New York Post: "Zionists who have controlled American policy for decades remain strong, they'll lose a great deal of their clout when Barack Obama enters the White House."

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He's has since claimed his words were distorted, but this is the second time he's gotten in trouble with media outlets owned by a particular conglomerate.

Take the hint, Jesse. If Al can take a break from his position as publicist of black people, so can you.

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Anne Price-Mills

The way she cried over Hillary's loss on CNN in what looks like her daughter's barrettes, you would have thought her nickname was Slick Willie.

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Joe

Joe appeared on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and said he didn't have to vote because he heard Obama had it all wrapped up. The person who told him that is probably the same person bootlegging his album. As the interview progressed, Joe showed just how little he understood about the electoral process—asking the morning crew if you could vote online.

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I bet Maxwell knows the answer.

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James T. Harris

Last and certainly least is a conservative radio host trying to milk his 15 minutes for all its worth. As he gazed into McCain's eyes to plead that the Arizona senator "take it to" Obama, stomachs both black and white soured at his level of enthusiasm. As if that weren't enough, this opportunist shows he'll do whatever it takes to get attention. On his personal blog, he compared eager Barack Obama sympathizers to Hitler youth.

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I've heard more coherent arguments from schizophrenics, but add it to the pile of Nutty Negroes of 2008. So long folks! We'll miss you! Almost.

Michael Arceneaux is a regular contributor to The Root.

Bob Johnson

Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him on Twitter.

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