I feel like white conservatives are just not very good at being criminals. I’m sure plenty of them make good white-collar criminals—because America worships the rich, white and shady, so wealthy thugs getting away with things isn’t all that impressive—but when it comes to right-wingers who commit crimes like petty theft, breaking and entering and, say, attempting a government overthrow at the U.S. Capitol, they just don’t seem to have a plan or even the good sense to not allow themselves to be photographed.
That’s why more than a week after a mob of Trump supporters went all Rage Against the Voting Machine at the Capitol on Jan. 6, authorities are still locating and arresting people seen in viral photos committing what would be universally regarded as acts of domestic terrorism if America wasn’t still so damn wypipo-friendly. (And if you don’t think that’s true, you’re going to need to explain why the QAnon Shaman is getting organic food delivered to him in jail.)
Anyway, among the newest members of the “Dumbasses in Lockup” club is the guy you’ve all seen pictured carrying a “kiss me, I’m racist” flag (most people call it the Confederate battle flag, but I’m different) inside the Capitol building.
From the Washington Post:
Kevin Seefried, who was photographed carrying a Confederate flag inside the Capitol, turned himself in to authorities in Wilmington, Del., on Thursday morning, according to an FBI spokeswoman, Joy Jiras. He and his son, Hunter Seefried, are charged with misdemeanor counts of trespassing and disorderly conduct; Hunter Seefried is also accused of destruction of property.
Seefried was taken into custody the same day two other rioters were arrested, including recently retired Pennsylvania firefighter Robert E. Lee...sorry, I mean Robert Lee Sanford, who is accused of throwing a fire extinguisher at a police officer. (Yeah, I know: firefighter throws fire extinguisher; the jokes write themselves.) Sanford is charged with impeding officers, civil disorder, trespassing and violent conduct with a dangerous weapon on restricted grounds.
Hunter Ehmke, of California, is the third arrestee from Thursday and he’s accused of being one of the first to try to break into the U.S. Capitol during the day of color-redacted fuckery, according to the Post.
As for Seefried, according to CNN, the FBI was tipped off by a coworker of Hunter’s, who reported that the dumb white apple that didn’t fall far from the dumb white tree bragged about being part of the caucasity coup at the Capitol.
As I said, these are not smart criminals. The Joker would have never hired them as henchmen. Sherlock Holmes would’ve been greatly offended if he was tasked with catching these fools. Nobody from The Wire would bother with tapping their phones. Martin Scorsese will never write their biopics.
They’re all just so dumb.