The Committee Is Taking a Short Break

That was a crazy two hours of testimony. The Republicans are completely unhinged and not even trying to hide the fact that they are going to stand by their man no matter what.

He is even more of a liar than they are accusing Cohen of being, and the cognitive dissonance is astounding.

When Trump (joked) that he could shoot a man on 5th Avenue and get away with it, Cohen claims that he wasn’t joking. He claims that Trump is really that vindictive and believes that he can get away with anything. Cohen ends the ominous statement with, “You don’t know Donald Trump, I do!”

Surely the flat screen inside his sleeping coffin is working. Why isn’t he tweeting? The president hasn’t tweeted since Cohen’s testimony began and I’m worried. This isn’t like him? Has anyone checked on him? 

Republicans Keep Talking About How Much of a Liar Cohen Is

And they seem to forget that Donald Trump is the biggest pathological liar of all.

And that’s probably why Cohen couldn’t help clapping back by asking “Are you referring to me or the president?”

Michael Cohen is a liar. He’s a liar and a criminal. He’s a criminal liar. He’s a smooth criminal. He’s a shitty liar. In fact they only points they seem to be driving home is that Cohen is a liar. Got it? They don’t care.

I think now is a nice time to remind readers that it is now, and will forever be, fuck Michael Cohen. He’s not earned his way to the cookout just because he’s snitching after being caught. Michael Cohen was not only Trump’s hitman but he once vowed to take a bullet for the president. He strong-armed people who went against the president and threatened lawsuits against those who didn’t bend to his will.

So yeah, he’s snitching now and that’s good, but fuck Michael Cohen, now and for evahhhhh (Cardi B voice).

Ooh Shit

I think Cohen just confirmed that Trump lied in order to get a bank loan to try and make a bid for the Buffalo Bills.

Rep. Mark Meadows dragged out Lynne Patton, an event planner for Trump, because she’s a black woman and therefore proof that Trump isn’t racist! See how that works? Patton a one-time friend of Cohen’s who helped Patton get her job within the Trump administration and as such Trump can’t be racist because see, look! She’s a black woman!

Lynne Patton Is not Proof that Trump Isn’t Racist

Lord. Mark Meadows just trotted out Lynne Patton—a black member of the Trump administration—as proof that Donald Trump cannot possibly be racist.

“He can’t be racist! He’s hired black people” headass. 

What Is Catch and Kill?

Cohen is explaining how he helped to prevent negative stories about the president from coming out by buying the rights to them before they could be published.

Sure, Cohen is a liar but so is the president. He’s here in front of Congress and no Republicans are even vaguely trying to act like they give a shit. In fact, Rep. Mark Green (R) Tenn., spent the majority of his times going over the constraints of the House Oversight Committee testimony instead of actually questioning Cohen.

Rep. Jordan Is Not Even Trying to be Professional or Stay on Task

It’s clear that Rep. Jordan’s role here is to continuously tear down Michael Cohen and attempt to discredit his testimony by making him look bad.

He’s saying that everyone who has said anything negative about Trump is only doing so because they either lost their job or didn’t get the job they wanted from Trump. 

Funny moment, Rep. Jim Jordan asked Cohen about the fake Twitter account @WomenForCohen in which post claimed that Cohen was “sexy”. Cohen claimed he didn’t make the account and that it was all a big joke.

Trump Reimbursed Cohen for the Stormy Daniels Bribes

Rep. Cummings just had Cohen confirm that Donald Trump wrote a check from his personal checking account to repay Cohen for the hush money Cohen gave Stormy Daniels on Trump’s behalf.

Trump wrote the check after he had already become president. 

Cohen Says He Was Drunk off Trump’s Bullshit

“Over the past year or so, I have done some real soul searching. I see now that my ambition and the intoxication of Trump power had much to do with the bad decisions I made,” Cohen said.

He said he has told lies, but he is not a liar. He has done bad things, but he is not a bad person. He is apologetic that he continued to work for Trump, despite knowing he was a lying, racist sack of shit.

We don’t forgive you, Mr. Cohen, but this tea is still piping hot. 

Cohen on Trump’s feelings about Don. Jr’s decision making:

What struck me as I looked back and thought about that exchange between Don Jr. and his father was, first, that Mr. Trump had frequently told me and others that his son Don Jr. had the worst judgment of anyone in the world. And also, that Don Jr. would never set up any meeting of any significance alone – and certainly not without checking with his father.

Trump Didn’t Want to Make America Great, Only Himself

“The sad fact is that I never heard Mr. Trump say anything in private that led me to believe he loved our nation or wanted to make it better. In fact, he did the opposite,” Cohen said. 

Come through news stations! Michael Cohen just got “shitholes” on national news because he’s quoting the president whom he claims asked him if he could name any country run by a black person that wasn’t a shithole.

From Cohen’s opening statement:

Mr. Trump is a racist. The country has seen Mr. Trump court white supremacists and bigots. You have heard him call poorer countries “shitholes.”

In private, he is even worse. He once asked me if I could name a country run by a black person that wasn’t a “shithole.” This was when Barack Obama was President of the United States.

While we were once driving through a struggling neighborhood in Chicago, he commented that only black people could live that way.

And, he told me that black people would never vote for him because they were too stupid.

‘Mr. Trump Is a Racist’

Yes, Mr. Cohen. Yes, he is. 

Cohen claims that Trump is capable of generous acts but he’s not generous. He’s capable of kind acts but he’s not kind. Trump didn’t want to win, he believed that his run to the White House would be the greatest informercial ever. He wanted to make his brand great not America. 

Donald Trump Is ‘Individual No. 1'

Cohen just confirmed what we all have already known, but I guess has never been officially said on record—y’all little “president” is “individual No. 1" in all those legal documents from the Mueller investigation.

Trump didn’t want the world to know that he’s not reading on grade level.

Michael Cohen Lied Because Trump Wanted Him to Lie

Cohen reintroduced himself to the House Oversight Committee as “Michael Dean Cohen.”

He then apologized to everyone in his family for being the family embarrassment.

That’s gotta be rough.

He made it clear, however, that he lied because Trump made it clear to him that he should lie about certain things.

Michael Cohen Is Scared of the President

Cohen started out his testimony by asking for protection from “presidential threats.”

Damn. 

Rep. Jim Jordan is going ham. He’s reminding everyone that Cohen is going to jail in three months. Jordan wants everyone to know that since Dems took over the House, the first person they’ve called is a man who has already lied to Congress. It’s like Jordan is auditioning for South Carolina Republican Lindsey Graham’s position Trump’s lap dog.