The grief of losing a child is a devastating experience that Iyanla Vanzant knows all too well. During a recent interview, the famed “Fix My Life” host opened up about her difficult decision not to attend her youngest daughter’s funeral, which was a real eye-opener for everyone.
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Iyanla Vanzant, 72, gained her notoriety as the powerhouse life coach with her popular television show, “Fix My Life, on the OWN network. A mother of three—Gemmia, Damon, and Nisa—Vanzant experienced every parent’s worst nightmare in 2023 when her youngest daughter, Nisa, passed away at age 49. The loss mirrored the pain from 2003, when she buried her eldest child, Gemmia, following a battle with colon cancer.
While speaking with “The Breakfast Club,” Vanzant revealed her decision not to attend her youngest child’s funeral was about protecting her peace.
When Charlamagne posed the question about setting boundaries and avoiding accountability, Vanzant explained that creating boundaries can be very different from building emotional walls, which opened the conversation for her to choose not to attend her daughter’s funeral.
“I saw you just sit down with Oprah, and you talked about your decision not to go to your daughter’s funeral,” Loren Lorosa mentioned. “And you kind of put up your boundaries just because of some of the things that were happening within your family.”
Vanzant clarified that it wasn’t with the family, it was with one particular grandson, who she explained “was just out of his mind,” recognizing that he was struggling with his own grief.
“But I wasn’t gonna put myself in jeopardy,” Vanzant explains. “I wasn’t gonna give him the opportunity to disrespect his mother by disrespecting her mother.” She continues to explain that she knows she was a trigger for him and was cautious because she didn’t know what he might do, but she “had to tell the truth about it.”
When asked by DJ Envy if the decision was difficult, Vanzant firmly responds, “Once I made the decision because I made it from a place of love and care, I was okay with it.”
Rather than attending the public funeral, Vanzant chose to honor her daughter privately the day before. “I had my own thing with her,” she recalled. “She was still gonna be dead the next day. I didn’t have to be there.”
She further explains that people follow traditions simply because they are expected to. “The things that we do out of tradition or out of habit, that we don’t even want to do… I’m not doing that. I’m too old, and I don’t have wrinkles yet,” she joked. “So I don’t want wrinkles.”
After the interview went viral, social media users supported Vanzant’s decision not to attend her daughter’s funeral.
“Sometimes you gotta read the room,” one TikTok user wrote. “She read it and allowed her grandchild to say goodbye to his mother without turmoil. That’s real love.”
Another chimed in, saying, “Funerals are commonplace for some people to put their trauma on display. I don’t blame her, i would have stayed away as well.”
The conversation continued on X with one commenter posting, “Whew, when Iyanla Vanzant said on The Breakfast Club, ‘The things that we do out of tradition or out of habit, that we don’t even want to do.. I’m not doing that, I’m too old”🤏🏾🤏🏾FELT THIS!!!!”
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