This whole “pounding yams” business has nothing to do with our current president and everything to do with Elba promoting this Valentine’s Day contest. He draws us all in to his delicious lair with these 13 words:

“Hi there. Idris Elba here. And I’d like you to be my valentine.”

He had me at “Hi there.”

Elba continues talking directly to us, saying that we can pop things off with some champagne and a bite to eat.

And then things go left (or really, really right, depending on your perspective):

“Once we’re feeling comfortable, we can order whatever your heart desires: Maybe some truffles, perhaps some steak, pepper soup and fufu,” he continues. “That’s an African dish and you pound the yams. And you know what? I’ll let you pound my yams.”

Jesus.

He continues, “And for dessert, you can have whatever you want, and I mean, whatever you want.”

Fan it, children, fan it.

Elba ends by saying that every entry to join him on this evening supports W.E. Can Lead, an organization that champions young women’s empowerment in Sierra Leone.

According to the website, W.E. Can Lead supports girls and young women, ages 12-18, and offers them life skills such as financial literacy, as well as leadership skills, through its Young Leaders Development Program.

And I am so down for girls all over the world ... but back to Idris.

Yes, I am happily married. But Idris has been my “celeb cheat” ever since The Wire (my husband’s is Serena Williams). I doubt if hubs would let me go if I won, but he might have to chain me to the radiator.

I suspect W.E. Can Lead will be getting a healthy cash influx before Valentine’s Day. What’s that? My credit card is maxed out? How did that ever happen?