I remember spending Mother's Day with a woman who was furious. "What I want," she told me "was to stay in and be quiet." Instead she got dragged out to a noisy brunch. Not her happiest moment. And her husband couldn't understand why she didn't appreciate the gesture. Here's the deal: there are 364 other days to show your mom, or the woman who was like a mom to you, how much she means to you. If she shies away from overpriced brunches, obligatory flowers and jewelry she has no use for, honor her feelings. Give her what SHE wants, not what you want her to have. Some moms would rather you show up at church with her from time to time. Others want you to drop into their dinners of card parties so they can show you off to their friends. Some moms would prefer to have a movie date with just you. Others want a visit to the salon for a mani-pedi. So remember: if mom wants a quiet day at home, don't drag her out. If you know there's a movie she wants to see and would love your company, make a date to take her. (Doesn't have to be this Sunday; just needs to be soon.) If this is her day, make it HER day. Karen Grigsby Bates is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for NPR News, and co-author, with Karen Elyse Hudson, of The New Basic Black: Home Training For Modern Times (Doubleday). She plans to have a quiet, relaxed Mother's Day.

is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for NPR News and co-author, with Karen Elyse Hudson, of The New Basic Black: Home Training For Modern Times (Doubleday).