Last week, our sources were somehow able to find an email conversation between Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill. And, wouldn't you know it, those same sources found another email conversation, but between Meek Mill and Drake from last night.
A condensed version can be found below.
From: email@example.com: To: NOCHILLMILL@msn.com: 4:07am
Look, my dude. I'm willing to end this if you are. I got bigger plans. Bigger pictures. Bigger grands. Bigger strippers. And writing all these diss tracks is taking time away from what I really like to do. Get mud treatments and leave comments on YouTube twerk videos under the pseudonym "Jack Reacher." So next time we see each other, let's hug it out. And maybe go get some wings. Or, better yet, brunch. And then we'll just walk around the mall together; browsing but not buying. Getting numbers but never texting. But if you want to buy something at Banana Republic or something, that's cool too. I'll even wait outside the store for you. I'm versatile.
FUCK YOU, NIGGA. YOU SAID YOU WAS DONE WITH DISSIN, BUT YOU GONNA GO AHEAD AND CALL ME A PSEUDONYM. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, SO I KNOW IT'S DISRESPECTFUL. I'M FROM PHILLY, AND WE TWEET ABOUT DISRESPECTFUL NIGGAS IN THESE STREETS!!! AND WHY YOU ALWAYS EMAILING ME SO EARLY IN THE MORNING??? VAMPIRE-ASS NIGGA! NO WONDER YOU HAVE A WIDOWS PEAK!
Meek, man. Relax. Pseudonym is not a diss. It's just a word I used in an email to describe something I was doing. I use a lot of different words because I write things all the time — emails, Instagram captions, contracts, texts to Kerry Washington at 4am. And even, occasionally, actual rap verses. I know your anger is due to you feeling bad that everyone thinks Nicki should be with me and not you. And I'm sure the A capella renditions of Bohemian Rhapsody I used to leave on her voicemail didn't help either. I apologize for that. I didn't know I was wrong. Until I called my mom. And she was like "Aubrey?" And I was like "Mom, I'm Drake now. Please don't call me Aubrey in front of my friends anymore. It makes me sad." And she was like "Remember that thing I told you when you were six?" And I was like "About the type of hair grease you use to maintain a Jew fro?" And she was like "No, AuDrake. The other thing." And I was like "I remember, now. I love you." And then I hung up the phone, and made a frittata. I have some leftover, actually. Do you want some?
I DON'T EAT FRITTATAS. JUST CHEESE STEAKS AND GRAPE JUICE. FOR EVERY MEAL. IT'S A PHILLY DIET CALLED THE BEANIE SIGEL. THATS WHY MY LIPS LOOK LIKE THAT! PEOPLE THINK IT'S THE WEED. BUT I DON'T EVEN SMOKE! IT'S THE CHEESESTEAKS! BUT, AIGHT. YOU STILL A UNCOOKED LAMB SAUSAGE LOOKING-ASS NIGGA. BUT I'LL SQUASH IT. JUST PROMISE ME NOT TO RELEASE ANY MORE DISS RECORDS. CAUSE ROZAY LOCKED ME IN THE STUDIO LAST NIGHT AND WOULDN'T LET ME LEAVE UNTIL I WROTE SOMETHIN. EVEN THREATENED TO DROP ME FROM THE LABEL AND PICK UP REED DOLLAZ.
My dude!!! That makes me so verklempt! You know I love promises! Of course I promise! My favorite promise I ever made was the one I made to Brittany from the Foot Locker in Silver Spring. We made eye contact while I was buying some wristbands, and I told her we were gonna get married, and she just looked at me and said "That'll be $19.99." I gave her a $20, and promised her I would come back for her one day. I haven't yet. But I still think about her all the time.