Everyone Hates Jeff Sessions

In this political climate, which seems to be grounded in separatism, it is rare when we can all come together to agree on one thing, but I think we can all agree that everyone hates Attorney General Jeff Sessions.

Blacks hate Jeff Sessions. Latinos hate Jeff Sessions. Middle America hates Jeff Sessions. The president hates Jeff Sessions. Hell, Jeff Sessions has even found a way to make arguably the most loving, kind and forgiving people in the world hate: Yep, Jeff Sessions has made even pot smokers hate Jeff Sessions.

It isn’t as if Sessions was ever beloved—he’s been working on his hate levels since birth. When Coretta Scott King, the wife of arguably the most peace-loving man in the history of America, writes a letter to protest your federal judgeship, then you truly are a deplorable.

But the case for worldwide hatred of Sessions took a great leap forward recently when one deplorable (Sessions) didn’t do what the king deplorable (President Donald Trump) wanted him to.

In a recent New York Times article, Trump, rather stupidly—but commonplace for this administration—admitted that he wouldn’t have appointed Sessions the Hand of the King attorney general if he wasn’t going to pledge his undying loyalty to the throne.

“Jeff Sessions takes the job, gets into the job, recuses himself, which, frankly, I think is very unfair to the president,” Trump said, referring to himself. “How do you take a job and then recuse yourself? If he would have recused himself before the job, I would have said, ‘Thanks, Jeff, but I’m not going to take you.’ It’s extremely unfair—and that’s a mild word—to the president.”

Sessions knows that Trump is in too deep, so of course he recused himself, because he doesn’t want all that Russia stink to get into his elf suit.

A day after being thrown under a large truck and rolled over, AG Big Elf Shawty noted that he’s going to keep doing his job of seizing people’s shit no matter what they’ve done and keep hating the ganja as he has always done. He also spoke of himself as “we,” when, as far as I know, there is only one Jeff Sessions.

“We love this job. We love this department, and I plan to continue to do so as long as that is appropriate,” he told reporters Thursday, CNN reports.

Let’s see how this all shakes out, but meanwhile, clearly everyone hates Jeff Sessions.

Read more at the New York Times and CNN.