Confessions of a DC Lawyer-Lobbyist-Turned-L.A. Comedy Writer-Producer

As an only child and a latchkey kid, I spent a disconcerting amount of my childhood alone in front of a TV โ€ฆ and I loved every minute of it! By age 17, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my lifeโ€”I was going to make more of the shows…

As an only child and a latchkey kid, I spent a disconcerting amount of my childhood alone in front of a TV โ€ฆ and I loved every minute of it! By age 17, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my lifeโ€”I was going to make more of the shows that I wanted to watch. So I proudly told my father that I was going to college to study television and film.

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3 Ways to Think Like a Businessman, According to Executive Walter Davis
3 Ways to Think Like a Businessman, According to Executive Walter Davis

Wellll โ€ฆย clearly I had been watching too much damn TV. My conversation with my father didnโ€™t go anything like the ones in โ€™80s family sitcoms where parents said things like, โ€œWe love you, Timmy, and we support you no matter what.โ€ And it definitely didnโ€™t end with a โ€œsitcom hug.โ€

Instead, my dad began and ended our conversation with a string of words that Iโ€™m not allowed to type here. Letโ€™s just say that he wanted me to pursue a more โ€œtraditionalโ€ careerโ€”one that ensured that once I moved away from home, I never moved back.

Soooo โ€ฆย I went to the University of Michigan Law School (Go, Blue!) and became a lobbyist at a swanky firm on Washington, D.C.โ€™s infamous K Street, where I got paid big bucks to represent companies like Starbucks and Delta Air Lines. I had the kind of career that wouldnโ€™t cause my parents to be embarrassed when Cousin Larry Earl walked up to them at the family reunion with a mouthful of sock-it-to-me cake and asked, โ€œWhatโ€™s Akilah up to these days?โ€

By all accounts, I was โ€œliving the dream.โ€ It just wasnโ€™tย myย dream, and you can only fake it for so long before you get what I like to call โ€œgoing-through-the-motions sickness.โ€

So, on April Foolsโ€™ย Day 2013, when I was just a year shy of being up for partner at my firm, I packed my things and moved cross-country to the City of Angels to finally pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a comedy writer.

My dadโ€™s first response when I told him my plan was, โ€œI didnโ€™t realize that you thought you were funny.โ€ Thanks, Dad! But he knows that Iโ€™ve inherited his adventurous spirit and fearlessness. (He also knew that, this time, he didnโ€™t have any say because he was no longer paying my bills.)

So I showed up in Los Angeles with a very clear vision of what I wanted to do and a very vague notion of how to get thereโ€”just unfounded confidence that it would all work out. Shortly after I arrived in L.A., comedian and showrunner Greg Fitzsimmonsโ€”who is the brother-in-law of one of my closest friends from law school (Go, Blue!)โ€”hired me for a brief stint as a writerโ€™sย assistant for a VH1 late-night talk show, where I got to learn all about strip clubs and trap music in Atlanta. Gregโ€™s advice to me on my first day of work was, โ€œFeel free to pitch ideas. โ€ฆ But donโ€™t be a lunatic.โ€ Copy that.

I was then selected to write for the CBS diversity sketch-comedy showcase, through which I met my manager, and I began writing a number of TV scripts, some of which have advanced in network fellowship competitions.

Currently, I work full time on Chelsea Handlerโ€™s new Netflix talk show, Chelsea, researching, pitching and developing comedic segments, and I sometimes consult forย Real Time With Bill Maherย on HBO. I also co-wrote and am producing my first movie, Scratch, an indie horror-comedy that is currently in postproduction. And last month I got my first paid acting gig!

Fun fact: I graduated from a top 10 law school and passed two bar exams, yet many of my friends havenโ€™t been nearly as excited about anything that Iโ€™ve accomplished as they are about me being on Netflix for five seconds.

Another fun fact: Iโ€™ve made less money in all the time Iโ€™ve been working in L.A. than I did in just a few months as a lawyer at my firm. Iโ€™m including in this calculation the time that I got my dry cleaning for free because I offered to write a thoughtful response to a negative Yelp review my dry cleaner received.

My CPA told me to stop referring to myself as โ€œunemployedโ€ between gigs. For tax purposes, he insists that Iโ€™m โ€œself-employed unsuccessfully.โ€ I remember when I used to blow my tax refund on frivolous things like designer stilettos that didnโ€™t go with anything in my closet. Now I have to set aside my tax refund for things like electricity and milk.

One more fun fact: When I walked away from my corporate law career, I didnโ€™t just walk away from stability and financial security; I also walked away from being really good at something. I didnโ€™t realize that being good at what I did was such a huge part of my identity, but starting over from the bottom as I try to master a new skill set has sent my self-esteem spiraling at times.

Nonetheless, TV and film, more than any other influence, shaped my world view and expanded my idea of whatโ€™s possible. In fact, if I had better health insurance, a therapist with an affordable copay might tell me that Clair Huxtable is at least partly to blame for me becoming a lawyer in the first place. At the end of the day, however, writing untold stories centered around real, authentic characters that are rounded, messy and multidimensional like me is exactly what I want to be doing with my life.

These days, my dad texts me twice a week or so to see how Iโ€™m doing, and I reply with updates about my latest projects, deadlines and meetings. Without fail, he responds with some variation of, โ€œGreat news! Remember, donโ€™t accept any wooden nickels. And donโ€™t panic. Please let me know if you need anything from me. Dad.โ€ I think โ€œdonโ€™t accept any wooden nickelsโ€ is his way of telling me not to come back home to Texas on a Greyhound bus, broke and empty-handed, talking about, โ€œSee, I met this guy at a bar. โ€ฆ He said heโ€™d make me a star.โ€ Copy that.

So here I am in La La Landโ€”where โ€œYouโ€™ve got a great smile; if you give me your number, Iโ€™ll pass it along to my commercial agentโ€ counts as a pickup lineโ€”trying not to develop an eating disorder or a drinking problem, and sometimes tearing up while watchingย Entourageย reruns because โ€œthe struggle is too real,โ€ as I chase the vision Iโ€™ve had for my life ever since I was a latchkey kid.

Iโ€™m officially another L.A. โ€œhyphenateโ€ like โ€œactress-Zumba instructor-dog walkerโ€ or โ€œcomedian-bartender-bone marrow donor.โ€ Iโ€™m a โ€recovering lawyer-comedy writer-producer-eBay hustler,โ€ and Iโ€™m fully embracing the journey and trying to have some fun along the way because, as a cab driver once told me about quitting my โ€œfancy lawyer job to write jokes,โ€ โ€œLife is once.โ€

Akilah Green is a recovering Washington, D.C., lawyer-lobbyist-politico turned TV and film writer and producer living in Los Angeles. She currently works for Chelsea Handlerโ€™s Netflix talk show, Chelsea. She has also worked as a staff writer for Kevin Hartโ€™s production company, HartBeat Productions, and as a consultant for Real Time With Bill Maherย on HBO. In addition, she co-wrote and is producing Scratch, an indie horror-comedy feature film, and is a regular contributor toย The Root. Follow Greenโ€™s adventures in La La Land on her blog, Twitter and Facebook.

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