As an only child and a latchkey kid, I spent a disconcerting amount of my childhood alone in front of a TV โฆ and I loved every minute of it! By age 17, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my lifeโI was going to make more of the shows that I wanted to watch. So I proudly told my father that I was going to college to study television and film.
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Wellll โฆย clearly I had been watching too much damn TV. My conversation with my father didnโt go anything like the ones in โ80s family sitcoms where parents said things like, โWe love you, Timmy, and we support you no matter what.โ And it definitely didnโt end with a โsitcom hug.โ
Instead, my dad began and ended our conversation with a string of words that Iโm not allowed to type here. Letโs just say that he wanted me to pursue a more โtraditionalโ careerโone that ensured that once I moved away from home, I never moved back.
Soooo โฆย I went to the University of Michigan Law School (Go, Blue!) and became a lobbyist at a swanky firm on Washington, D.C.โs infamous K Street, where I got paid big bucks to represent companies like Starbucks and Delta Air Lines. I had the kind of career that wouldnโt cause my parents to be embarrassed when Cousin Larry Earl walked up to them at the family reunion with a mouthful of sock-it-to-me cake and asked, โWhatโs Akilah up to these days?โ
By all accounts, I was โliving the dream.โ It just wasnโtย myย dream, and you can only fake it for so long before you get what I like to call โgoing-through-the-motions sickness.โ
So, on April Foolsโย Day 2013, when I was just a year shy of being up for partner at my firm, I packed my things and moved cross-country to the City of Angels to finally pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a comedy writer.
My dadโs first response when I told him my plan was, โI didnโt realize that you thought you were funny.โ Thanks, Dad! But he knows that Iโve inherited his adventurous spirit and fearlessness. (He also knew that, this time, he didnโt have any say because he was no longer paying my bills.)
So I showed up in Los Angeles with a very clear vision of what I wanted to do and a very vague notion of how to get thereโjust unfounded confidence that it would all work out. Shortly after I arrived in L.A., comedian and showrunner Greg Fitzsimmonsโwho is the brother-in-law of one of my closest friends from law school (Go, Blue!)โhired me for a brief stint as a writerโsย assistant for a VH1 late-night talk show, where I got to learn all about strip clubs and trap music in Atlanta. Gregโs advice to me on my first day of work was, โFeel free to pitch ideas. โฆ But donโt be a lunatic.โ Copy that.
I was then selected to write for the CBS diversity sketch-comedy showcase, through which I met my manager, and I began writing a number of TV scripts, some of which have advanced in network fellowship competitions.
Currently, I work full time on Chelsea Handlerโs new Netflix talk show, Chelsea, researching, pitching and developing comedic segments, and I sometimes consult forย Real Time With Bill Maherย on HBO. I also co-wrote and am producing my first movie, Scratch, an indie horror-comedy that is currently in postproduction. And last month I got my first paid acting gig!
Fun fact: I graduated from a top 10 law school and passed two bar exams, yet many of my friends havenโt been nearly as excited about anything that Iโve accomplished as they are about me being on Netflix for five seconds.
Another fun fact: Iโve made less money in all the time Iโve been working in L.A. than I did in just a few months as a lawyer at my firm. Iโm including in this calculation the time that I got my dry cleaning for free because I offered to write a thoughtful response to a negative Yelp review my dry cleaner received.
My CPA told me to stop referring to myself as โunemployedโ between gigs. For tax purposes, he insists that Iโm โself-employed unsuccessfully.โ I remember when I used to blow my tax refund on frivolous things like designer stilettos that didnโt go with anything in my closet. Now I have to set aside my tax refund for things like electricity and milk.
One more fun fact: When I walked away from my corporate law career, I didnโt just walk away from stability and financial security; I also walked away from being really good at something. I didnโt realize that being good at what I did was such a huge part of my identity, but starting over from the bottom as I try to master a new skill set has sent my self-esteem spiraling at times.
Nonetheless, TV and film, more than any other influence, shaped my world view and expanded my idea of whatโs possible. In fact, if I had better health insurance, a therapist with an affordable copay might tell me that Clair Huxtable is at least partly to blame for me becoming a lawyer in the first place. At the end of the day, however, writing untold stories centered around real, authentic characters that are rounded, messy and multidimensional like me is exactly what I want to be doing with my life.
These days, my dad texts me twice a week or so to see how Iโm doing, and I reply with updates about my latest projects, deadlines and meetings. Without fail, he responds with some variation of, โGreat news! Remember, donโt accept any wooden nickels. And donโt panic. Please let me know if you need anything from me. Dad.โ I think โdonโt accept any wooden nickelsโ is his way of telling me not to come back home to Texas on a Greyhound bus, broke and empty-handed, talking about, โSee, I met this guy at a bar. โฆ He said heโd make me a star.โ Copy that.
So here I am in La La Landโwhere โYouโve got a great smile; if you give me your number, Iโll pass it along to my commercial agentโ counts as a pickup lineโtrying not to develop an eating disorder or a drinking problem, and sometimes tearing up while watchingย Entourageย reruns because โthe struggle is too real,โ as I chase the vision Iโve had for my life ever since I was a latchkey kid.
Iโm officially another L.A. โhyphenateโ like โactress-Zumba instructor-dog walkerโ or โcomedian-bartender-bone marrow donor.โ Iโm a โrecovering lawyer-comedy writer-producer-eBay hustler,โ and Iโm fully embracing the journey and trying to have some fun along the way because, as a cab driver once told me about quitting my โfancy lawyer job to write jokes,โ โLife is once.โ
Akilah Green is a recovering Washington, D.C., lawyer-lobbyist-politico turned TV and film writer and producer living in Los Angeles. She currently works for Chelsea Handlerโs Netflix talk show, Chelsea. She has also worked as a staff writer for Kevin Hartโs production company, HartBeat Productions, and as a consultant for Real Time With Bill Maherย on HBO. In addition, she co-wrote and is producing Scratch, an indie horror-comedy feature film, and is a regular contributor toย The Root. Follow Greenโs adventures in La La Land on her blog, Twitter and Facebook.
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