Screenshot: Daily Haze

A recent video of a white woman calling the police on a woman for standing in a likely gentrified Brooklyn building’s doorway highlights the black community’s unawareness of a set of secretly ratified constitutional amendments guaranteeing Colonizer-Americans the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of unapologetic whiteness.

On July 25, Facebook user Darsell Obregon uploaded a video to Facebook of her encounter with a perturbed Brooklynite summoning the police. Obregon was standing in the cop-caller’s doorway to escape the rain while waiting for an Uber to arrive. (The Root could not confirm that it was an Uber. The rideshare may have actually been a Lyft, a Via, a Juno or perhaps a Gett. It was probably not a Gett though, because that is too weird a name for hopping into a strangers car.)

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“On Sunday afternoon, I was in #Brooklyn walking to the train when a sudden rainstorm began and I hid in the doorway OUTSIDE of a random apartment in #ParkSlope to shield myself from the rain and call an uber [sic]” the post begins.

“No more than 3 minutes later a young woman who lives in the building opened the front door and told me that I can not stand there and had to leave. I told her I was not going to move (unbeknownst to her I was just waiting for my ride and would be leaving in a couple of minutes) so then she proceeded to call the police ...”

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“I absolutely do not know her and that’s why I want her off my property,” the floral leggings-clad Luciferian says into the phone with the attitude of a plantation owner reporting a suspected escaped negro to fugitive slave catchers. “We’re the owners of this building.”

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While the caller’s race is unclear, the spicy mayo spreader reports Obregon with a condescending tone that can only be described as “white.” And when the people on the other end of the call seemingly ask for Obregon’s race, the barefoot tattletale simply responds with: “Black.”

As if it is a disease. As if to say, “unwanted” or “not in my backyard.”

As Clarissa explains it, Obregon’s Uber arrives, but the Becky with the good reception is not satisfied. She takes down the Uber/Lyft/Definitely-not-a-Gett’s license plate number and warns Obregon: “If you go anywhere you’ll be committing a crime as well, you know that, right?”

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But Obregon escapes in her not Gett away car, leaving Shoeless Susan standing on the sidewalk, still waiting on the cops to apprehend the suspicious doorway stander.

While many have decried this as an act of racism, there are many reasons that Brooklyn Becky may have called the cops:

  • There may be an unreported crime spree of people pretending to wait for rides while they are really casing apartment buildings looking to pilfer five-dollar tank tops. That’s probably why Rebecca secured hers with that comely front knot.
  • Maybe she wanted to charge Obregon with stealing her precious doorway oxygen.
  • Perhaps the cop-caller feared Obregon was doing reconnaissance for a secret cabal planning to reverse-gentrify Brooklyn.
  • First, you let them stand in your doorway, next thing you know they’re sneaking in your house, rifling through your Lululemon leggings.
  • People are crazy. (I really don’t know what that means, but I often hear people use that phrase to explain why they hate other people.)

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In any case, let’s not be so quick to judge. Maybe this woman is a racist. Maybe she overdosed on white privilege. Maybe she is lonely and wanted the cops to come over and keep her company. We can obviously see that this woman is a terrible human being but we don’t exactly know the whole story. You know how it is ...

People are crazy.