As a Salute to Throwback Thursday, We Are Live-Blogging O.J. Simpson’s Parole Hearing

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It would feel like hell outside across much of the country on the day O.J. Simpson had a parole hearing to determine whether or not he could leave the Lovelock Correctional Center in Lovelock, Nev., a few years early.

Of course, nearly a decade ago, a group of men led by Simpson entered a room in the Palace Station hotel in Las Vegas to collect personal items from a memorabilia dealer. Three days later, his silly ass was arrested for his involvement in the robbery.

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A year later, on Oct. 3, 2008—exactly 13 years to the day after he was acquitted on charges that he murdered his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ron Goldman—O.J. was found guilty on all charges. A few months later, he was sentenced to 33 years in prison with eligibility for parole in nine years.

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If you are wondering just what I think of O.J. Simpson, Johnnie Cochran fictitiously saying “Nigga please” best summarizes my thoughts, coupled with a bloody knife, a Bronco and a man I’d never want to be around alone.

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Well, the parole hearing has promptly started, and I will say, of a woman-beater who many understandably believe is a murderer, he looks quite fit for a 70-year-old man. I see someone is already thinking about looking good on some awful reality show that none of us should watch but might end up seeing a few minutes of anyway because God is still working on all of us.

It’s funny, the seemingly nice woman on the parole board just told O.J. that his parole hearing is like everyone else’s. I can’t knock O.J. for laughing, because how many parole hearings are covered on national television?

Michael Arceneaux

Michael Arceneaux is the author of "I Can't Date Jesus," which will be released July 24, 2018 by Atria Books/Simon & Schuster, but go ahead and pre-order it now.

Wow. He was arrogant and did not offer complete contrition yet has been granted parole. “I’m not Black, I’m O.J....okay.” Gotta pick up my face from off the ground. Later, y’all.

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I’m fascinated by O.J.’s ability to chuckle like crazy throughout this hearing. He refuses to be humbled. That is not a compliment, beloveds.

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This white man singing a Mariah ballad about O.J. might save him.

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The robbery victim is advocating for O.J. better than O.J.

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O.J. is really sticking to this respectable inmate shtick.

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Johnnie Cochran is somewhere watching this and laughing at this lawyer.

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Shouldn’t O.J. be crying right now, especially with this lawyer (bless his heart)?

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O.J. should have just sent the parole board screeners of the ESPN documentary.

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For a second there, I thought Arnelle was about to quote Monifah’s “I Miss You (Come Back Home)“ to the parole board.

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Arnelle: my dad is not a perfect man.

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Arnelle is giving it the best that she’s got (baby). She read a smooth two words and then started crying with no tears (unless the camera at the Lovelock Correctional Center is that bad).

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Oh, Arnelle Simpson. Been a long time, girl.

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“I’ve lived a conflict-free life.”

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He’s really trying to charm these people. Yet, they’re chuckling with him. I can’t tell if they’re laughing because they can’t believe he’s this dense or they’re falling for it.

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Shorter O.J.: I’ve been a good Black, I swear.

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Is O.J. stunting about his pre-murder trial public appearance?

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O.J. isn’t behaving like a Black man living in Trump’s America trying to get out of prison.

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“I’ve had some problems with fidelity in my life.” O.J., are those the problems you are confronting at your parole hearing?

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O.J.: “Look baby, I didn’t take no courses that I didn’t want to because O.J. does what O.J. wants! Also, I’m a Christian.”

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O.J. sounds like he’s leaving a Yelp review about his prison rather than trying to get out of prison.

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Is O.J. Simpson branding himself as the prison peace maker right now? Is that what I am hearing?

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If I were at a parole hearing, I would basically be as whiny and beg-tastical (let me have it) as one of those Boyz II Men tracks, but I guess he got it.

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Live footage of me watching this:

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“I never got into fights in the public.” Well, we’ve seen photographs of you clearly attacking someone. You would think someone who used to be as rich as he was would’ve at least leased some self-awareness.

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“I didn’t take that course, but I took a different one that you didn’t ask me to take,” OJ on why he didn’t take three 400 level English courses in prison.

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