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A List of the Dumbest Sneakers I Own

I own a lot of sneakers. Many of them are cool. Some of them are dumb. Here are the dumbest. Suggested Reading ‘Sinners’ Releases in Black American Sign Language. Here’s What That Means A Burger King Employee Throws a Drink on a Child in Viral Video, and Black TikTok Goes Nuts The Best, Black TV…

I own a lot of sneakers. Many of them are cool. Some of them are dumb. Here are the dumbest.

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I bought these for my book tour last year because the black and yellow was supposed to signify me taking Pittsburgh everywhere with me. But on feet, they look like something a Transformer would wear to an after-prom. Also, they weigh five pounds eachโ€”which means if you twist an ankle you might rupture an Achilles, too.

Matte black shoes are good in theory, but in practice, it looks like Iโ€™m wearing coal. Or like I just got really, really, really ashy.

I bought them because Iโ€™d never seen anything like them. But thereโ€™s literally zero clothing pairings they look good with, and they feel like Iโ€™m wearing a stapler. The only reason they exist is for gym niggas to compliment you between chugs of Muscle Milk.

I actually really like these. When I first bought them, they made me feel like I was in the future. Unfortunately, future me is still dumb and hadnโ€™t yet realized how impossible it is to keep an inch thick white sole clean. If you wear these outside for three minutes, they go from alabaster to pond juice.

Iโ€™ve literally never worn these shoes, I donโ€™t remember even buying them, and I only still keep them because I suspect they might possess the coronavirus vaccine.

Straight From The Root

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