A lot of us waited up until midnight for that new Kendrick Lamar album to drop. A lot of us waited for nothing as it turns out that Kendrick’s new album, according to the pre-order information – I doubt it will be called ALBUM – will be released on April 14th. Yay.
Okay, confession. I didn’t wait up until midnight. My power went out at like 945pm so I said fuck it and went to sleep. My power came back ON at 1140pm and it took me until midnight to wake up, at which point I did check my phone to see if it dropped – it didn’t – and so I went back to sleep assuming that my Facebook feed would be full of out of context Kendrick quotes or videos of people on the West Coast doing Kendrick dances. I don’t know what a Kendrick dance is, but I’m sure I’d know it if I saw it. I'm sure it involves braids and stretchmarks.
Thing is, after Scandal (are people still watching Scandal?) goes off and before midnight, there’s not a lot of great television on. The west coast NBA game was the Timberwolves versus the Trailblazers. I’m not sure anybody used that as a shot of Red Bull.
So here are some things you might have been doing while you were waiting up to get that album that you have to wait another week for.
1. Your taxes
The tax man cometh, fam. You have another full week and some change to get those taxes done. And no, getting pregnant right now does not count as a deduction for this year. You should have thought about that in like February or March of last year. TurboTax is really useful, but is also all types of an asshole because I filed my taxes a ways back and yet somehow, right now, I’m unable to download my 2016 tax return. Fuck you, TurboTax.
No, seriously. Fuck you, TurboTax.
2. Organizing your liquor cabinet
I’m not sure what your system is, but I like to put my fine brown liquors in the front and put the liquers and shit people I hate bring over in the back. Oh and why might I hate them? Because who the fuck brings over shit in plastic bottles or Cointreau or Curacao. Bruh. Fam. What is I’m ‘posed to do with that? I hate you.
3. Listening to Joey BadA$$’s All-Amerikkkan BadA$$ album
Good album. I really enjoy it. You might too. “Devastated” was one of those songs that you know when you hear it that it’s got “blow” potential, the rest of the album is pretty damn solid too.
4. Brushing up on your U.S. – Syrian relations
I don’t ever want to hear again that liberal arts degrees aren’t worth shit. What I found out this morning is that a significant portion of my Facebook timeline are experts on U.S. foreign policy and particularly US – Russia relations. I really had no idea so many people that don’t seem to know shit about shit were so well versed in our foreign policy. Color me impressed. The internet makes us all smart. At least smarter than Trump.
5. Taking sides on the French Montana tweet non-troversy on Twitter
Just kidding, there aren’t any sides to take here. French Montana is an absolute fucking idiot who must actually search for himself on Twitter looking to take out folks who aren't as famous as he is when he’s bored waiting for new releases or wondering why nobody considers him the best or greatest at anything. Also, if you defended French Montana, then I feel sorry for your mother
6. Getting your The Get Down weekend starter kit ready
The Get Down actually dropped at midnight so now you can spend most of your weekend binge watching the 2nd half of the first season. The first half was dope and I don’t give a shit what anybody says. Yes, the very first episode was doing every bit of the most, but it calmed down into a legitimately good show and is worth every second I devoted to it. My life is better.
7. Watching Greenleaf on Netflix
OWN’s show, Greenleaf, is about the Greenleafs, a megachurch pastor’s family in Memphis, Ten-akey, grappling with the reality of the aftermath of some terrible decisions made by a member of the family. Have you seen this show? It’s like a good bad show. It’s a step above Tyler Perry in terms of its ridiculousness, but ZOMG does this show not miss a beat when it comes to every single stereotype you can think of about a church family.
Kids leaving the church, kids named Grace, Faith, Charity, and Jacob. Sexual abuse. Financial malfeasance. Church infighting. Gay choir directors. Married gay church administrator struggling with his sexuality, excess, Black Lives Matter, death, etc. I did NOT see the crackhead in the woods coming, but hey, I appreciate a good surprise every now and then.
Just saying, I’d be interested in your opinion on this show. Queen Sugar it is not, but I also can’t not watch it either.
8. Reading a James Baldwin novel or treatise on America
He’s having quite a resurgence as of late, and it couldn’t be more timely. Kudos to you for getting familiar with one of the most formidable writers of forever.
9. Falling down an internet rabbit hole
I had to stop doing this. My last one started on Pinterest where I ended up looking at an interesting watch that led me to that thing with the OMG you wouldn’t believe what I saw when I clicked on that link. I quit the internet that day. Well, until I fell of the wagon some three minutes later. Point is, some of you did this which makes the lack of an album that much more annoying. Nobody should see what you just saw.