I would imagine that there’s an extremely short list of professional athletes who watched Nate Robinson get his wig split in November by YouTuber Jake Paul and immediately thought, “I wanna get laid out by a bootleg celebrity, too!” But since fate can’t be denied, apparently former NBA star Lamar Odom is ready to embrace whatever vicious uppercut awaits him.
TMZ reports that Odom—who was last seen throwing hands at his social media accounts—has signed on the dotted line to become the next
participant victim in America’s latest obsession: celebrity boxing. And while his opponent has yet to be announced, the 41-year-old is scheduled to hit the squared circle on June 12th in Atlantic City.
For those unfamiliar with celebrity boxing, it’s come a long way from the days of Willis Jackson attempting to break Vanilla Ice’s face in half. These days, you’ll not only find washed up all-time greats exchanging blows, but even Floyd Mayweather can’t resist the urge to avenge Nate Robinson by pounding out Paul’s big brother.
Celebrity Boxing huckster Damon Feldman is reportedly on the prowl for a “big-name celeb” to take on the 6-foot, 10-inch Odom, and me being the resourceful individual that I am, you already know I have some suggestions.
Shall we proceed?
Yes, his NBA career was cut short by injuries, but we already know he has the footwork—ask Shaq—and the reach to pepper Odom with jabs from another continent. Plus who doesn’t wanna see a 7-foot, 6-inch oddity pummel a dude who typically towers over everyone else? I’m sure that skyhook hits different when it crash lands into your jaw. Yao welcomes that smoke.
Fresh off a social media ban, an attempted coup, BFF Bill Belichick leaving him on read, and a pending impeachment (let us pray), The Notorious D.E.S.P.O.T. will have plenty of free time on his hands. So instead of wasting that idle mind on attempting to resurrect Parler, nothing would bring me more joy than to watch Melania’s baby daddy get his ass whooped on national TV. He might be unfit to be president, but he’s ridiculously overqualified for getting socked in the face. Let freedom—and his toupee—ring.
I’ve never seen a single episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, but I’m pretty sure Rob feels some type of way about whatever the hell went down between his sister Khloe and Lamar. And since he hasn’t been given the green light to beat the Yeezys out of Yeezus yet, I’m sure Rob would be perfectly fine taking out his frustrations on Odom’s eye sockets. You’re welcome, E! There’s your storyline.
Provided KryptoNate has finally regained consciousness and is able to eat solids again after Jake Paul sent his orbital bones into an alternate timeline, I’m sure he’d love nothing more than redemption. Sadly, he’s only five-foot-nine and is gonna have to climb a six-foot-ten nigga to achieve it. But Nate has been triumphing over impossible odds his entire life, so I say let him run it back. And if he loses, Randy Newman said short people have no reason to live anyway.
And you’re welcome for the suggestions, Celebrity Boxing.