GTFOH Trump Watch: Wait, You Wanted Us to Get the Coronavirus?

Illustration for article titled GTFOH Trump Watch: Wait, You Wanted Us to Get the Coronavirus?
Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)

Whenever I think of herd immunity, I think of the monkey house at the zoo.

If you’ve ever been to the monkey house in any zoo in the world, it smells like shit. There is apparently no way to get around it. But if you want to see the monkeys, you’re going to have to deal with the smell. The longer you stay in the monkey house, the less the smell affects you, and over time, you just kind of get used to it.

But there is one distinct difference between the monkey house and the herd-immunity approach to COVID-19: As unpleasant as it may be, the smell of monkey shit won’t kill you. It’s fitting that this president, the Gomer Pyles of Clark Griswolds, and his bumbling staff would want to push all of the “least vulnerable” into the COVID-19 monkey house and see what happens.

“There is no other way, we need to establish herd, and it only comes about allowing the non-high-risk groups [to] expose themselves to the virus. PERIOD,” then-science adviser Paul Alexander wrote in an email on July 4 to his boss, Health and Human Services assistant secretary for public affairs Michael Caputo, and six other senior officials, Politico reports.

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Alexander’s emails were obtained by a group that isn’t fucking with the president’s bullshit and given to Politico. The internal emails show the level of fuckery inside the National Lampoon’s Griswold’s Go to the White House.

“Infants, kids, teens, young people, young adults, middle aged with no conditions etc. have zero to little risk….so we use them to develop herd…we want them infected…” Alexander added.

“[I]t may be that it will be best if we open up and flood the zone and let the kids and young folk get infected” in order to get “natural immunity…natural exposure,” Alexander wrote on July 24 to Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Stephen Hahn, Caputo and eight other senior officials, Politico reports.

Alexander claimed in a July 27 email to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Robert Redfield that by issuing a statewide lockdowns, “we essentially took off the battlefield the most potent weapon we had...younger healthy people, children, teens, young people who we needed to fastly [sic] infect themselves, spread it around, develop immunity, and help stop the spread.”

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Officials told Politico that it is believed that Alexander’s recommendations had the backing of the White House because of course, they did. No one inside that place knows what the fuck is going on so if “herd immunity” meant opening up the economy then who gives a shit if a few hundred thousand die...amiright?

Senior Trump officials have denied herd immunity as a tactic to control COVID-19, but, senior Trump officials lie, so there is that.

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And We All Thought Kanye’s Phone Password Was Stupid

When Kanye West visited the president—yes the infamous, “This nigga hugged this bama” photo-op that solidified Kanye as a grumpier version of Terry Crews—he made the mistake of allowing cameras to catch his phone passcode. It was 0-0-0-0-0-0-0.

Well, it turns out back in October, the president’s Twitter account was hacked and the hacker did it by using the computer and scientific knowledge that only hackers and stalkers have and it’s called guessing the user’s password.

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Despite denials from the White House and Twitter that the account had been hacked, Dutch media confirmed that the hacker was a Dutchman named Victor Gevers, 44, and he guessed the president’s password, which turned out to be “maga2020!”

His initial password was “Password123” but he wanted to go for something with a little more racism.

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“We believe the hacker has actually penetrated Trump’s Twitter account, but has met the criteria that have been developed in case law to go free as an ethical hacker,” The public prosecutor’s office said, the Guardian reports.

This basically means that this hacker is no hacker and that Trump is a goddamn idiot for making his passcode so easy.

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While hacking is a criminal offense in the Netherlands, they probably aren’t going to prosecute the guy because the president’s passcode was his slogan and the current year.

From the Guardian:

When news of the hack first broke, Gevers told De Volkskrant [Dutch newspaper] that the ease with which he accessed Trump’s account suggested the president was not using basic security measures like two-step verification.

“I expected to be blocked after four failed attempts. Or at least would be asked to provide additional information,” he told the Dutch newspaper.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

If herd immunity could happen without a vaccine...then why the hell are we at 300k deaths with millions of infections?
Just simple questions, why don’t people ever ask simple questions?
By the way, the guy was clearly writing like he knew trump was going to look (not read) at it first, so there’s your answer.