Either Rudy Giuliani Uses Bigen, or His Human Skin Glue Is Melting. Either Way, I've Got Questions

Illustration for article titled Either Rudy Giuliani Uses Bigen, or His Human Skin Glue Is Melting. Either Way, Ive Got Questions
Photo: MANDEL NGAN (Getty Images)

Trump’s personal lawyer is having a rough go at it. Not only is he grossly incompetent at living, breathing and doing his job, but now it seems that either his hair dye or his human skin mask given to all Gremlins who want to live a normal life is failing him.

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During a press conference for...who the fuck knows what it was for? I’m sure Rudy was pushing the company line about voter fraud in the presidential election. You know the voter fraud that no one outside of Trump and the Republicans can find. Yep, that voter fraud.

Anyway, Twitter was the first to notice that Rudy had boo boo juice running down the side of his goddamn face, and no one—not the woman standing behind him, not the press, not the Devil who lives in his soul—no one told this nigga that he had some brown liquid running down the side of his goddamn face.

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No one wanted to yell out, “Playboy, you’ve got old antifreeze leaking down the side of your damn face!”

I mean look at this shit:

Of course, Twitter had jokes:

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Thankfully, seasoned journalist Lawrence O’Donnell was able to do some investigating and kept America abreast.

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Which brings on a whole other host of questions.

Like Rudy Giuliani has always rocked the Captain Stubing, you know, the haircut where he sits in the barber’s chair and asks for his barber to clear the top and leave the sides full, so what the fuck is he dying? And if he’s dying the sides of his hair...then what did he do it with? A marker?

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Has he spoken with Trump’s Bigen adviser Stephen Miller, who went from driving with the roof down to a full-on hardtop like no one would notice?

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If Rudy Giuliani is really just drinking that Lovecraft and is, in fact, a Black man just wanting to feel what it’s like to be a spineless white tyrant then he needs to get out of the public eye before it wears off. Never forget that we’ve seen otherworldly creatures masquerading as “people” before:

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Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

johnbeckwith
B'dilliBay

Annnnd....I just sat down with my lunch when this popped up.

I’ll post a picture of Giuliani’s shoes. Yes, these are actual things he walked out of his house wearing.