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I Regret to Inform You That Mike Tyson's Return to the Ring Has Been Pushed Back to November

Illustration for article titled I Regret to Inform You That Mike Tysons Return to the Ring Has Been Pushed Back to November
Screenshot: Frederick M. Brown (Getty Images)

I know, I know. I wanted to see Roy Jones Jr.—or at least what’s left of him—get his ass whooped too.

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Sadly, as this pandemic continues to rob us all of our joy, ESPN reports that the scheduled bout between Mike Tyson and Jones has been postponed from its original September 12 date to November 28. (That’s two days after Thanksgiving for those of you worried about this bloodbath cutting into your turkey time.)

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As to why it was pushed back, there have been disputes concerning drug testing and whether or not headgear will be required, but neither is the culprit. Per ESPN, it would appear that Tyson is surrounded by greedy vultures who are hell-bent on maximizing revenue, so the bout was pushed back in order for all parties involved to “secure international television deals and tie up loose ends in regards to the pay-per-view”—a.k.a. secure the bag.

This massacre, which is sanctioned by the California State Athletic Commission, is still set to be held at Dignity Health Park in Carson, Calif., though CSAC executive officer Andy Foster maintains that fans expecting anything more than a rigorous sparring session will be greatly disappointed. (For the record, I am fans.)

“I wanted to have their assurances that they understand, ‘I don’t care if they spar. I don’t care if they work.’ They are world-class athletes, even still,” Foster told reporters in July. “They have a right to earn, and all these types of things. They’re about the same age. We can’t mislead the public as to this is some kind of real fight. They can get into it a little bit, but I don’t want people to get hurt. They know the deal.”

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“It’s an exhibition. They can exhibit their boxing skills, but I don’t want them using their best efforts to hurt each other. They’re going to spar hard, but they shouldn’t be going for a knockout. This isn’t a record-book type of fight. This is not world-championship boxing right now. It’s not what this is. People shouldn’t be getting knocked out. The public can see what kind of shape Roy and Mike are still in.”

Fuck all that. Tear his head off, Mike!

Yes, Tyson’s last fight took place on June 11, 2005, but as long as he looks like this and is still throwing heat like this there’s at least a 42 percent chance that Jones’ jaw ends up in a concession stand.

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I’ll be tuned in on November 28.

Menace to supremacy. Founder of Extraordinary Ideas and co-host and producer of The Extraordinary Negroes podcast. Impatiently waiting for ya'll to stop putting sugar in grits.

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DISCUSSION

jd02121
Nunna Yorz - You're NOT my ally just because you hate Trump

Nah I know what happened. Roy saw some of Mike’s workout videos and his life flashed before his eyes. Tyson’s over on his ranch sparring with kangaroos devouring whole chickens raw and spitting out the bones like a cartoon. And I don’t blame Roy one bit. That’s a man on death row filing an appeal. Just give him life, Mike.