Have you ever heard the story of how Florida was created?
It all started with a chicken sandwich. God hadn’t quite built up his body to handle all of the grease from the Popeyes crunchy chicken offerings and well, he started to get a bit sick. Finally, after sweating and grabbing his stomach, God leaned over and vomited in a parking lot and thus Florida was born.
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) is the direct aftereffects of God’s violent vomiting and on Tuesday, he vowed that his state is “not going back” on reopening in spite of the thousands of new COVID-19 cases that continue to be reported because Gov. Ron DeSantis is a fucking idiot.
Seriously, a half-ripped, homeless styrofoam cup would make a better governor than DeSantis, who can’t stop trying to appease his lawd and savior, Donald J. Trump, who has politicized the fuck out a global pandemic.
“We’re not going back, closing things,” he said, Axios reports. “I don’t think that that’s really what’s driving it. People going to a business is not what’s driving it. I think when you see the younger folks — I think a lot of it is more just social interactions, so that’s natural.”
When asked if he planned on telling people to stay home, DeSantis noted that he doesn’t have any plans to do anything because he’s literally a fucking idiot.
“We’re open. We know who we need to protect. Most of the folks in those younger demographics, although we want them to be mindful of what’s going on, are just simply much, much less at risk than the folks who are in those older age groups,” he said.
From the Hill:
Florida has recorded more than 5,000 new COVID-19 cases per day since last Wednesday. On Saturday, the state documented its highest single-day increase with 9,585 new cases, according to The New York Times’s data.
The state’s health department has counted 152,434 cases and 3,505 deaths in total.
Axios noted that places that opened early, including Florida, Texas, California and Arizona account for 50 percent of the new cases reported.
Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and America’s only hope at turning this thing around, testified in front of a Senate committee Tuesday that states who wanted to kiss Trump’s ass and open early skipped over federal reopening guidelines and are fucking things up for the rest of the class.
Florida currently has no restrictions as to how many people can be in stores or gyms. The state did, however, ask that “bars stop serving alcohol on-site due to rising coronavirus numbers, though restaurants can continue to serve drinks to seated patrons,” The Hill reports.
I think we are all fine if Washington D.C., becomes a state and Bugs Bunny just quietly saws Florida right the fuck off the map.