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Black Folks Who Need to be Pardoned to Offset Trump’s White Clemency Spree

Illustration for article titled Black Folks Who Need to be Pardoned to Offset Trump’s White Clemency Spree
Photo: Bryan Bedder (Getty Images)

On Tuesday, President Trump went on a pardoning spree and granted clemency to 11 convicted criminals.

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And I’m not mad at him.

Look, every president does it. But they usually take the sucker’s route and wait until the last day of their second term to pardon a shit-ton of people on their way out the door. However, the new and improved unleashed Trump (now with more evil!) is having a hell of a run lately. He has effectively cut the balls off the entire Department of Justice and called himself the “chief law enforcement officer” in the country.

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Here’s a live look at Trump and Attorney General William Barr’s last conversation:

As the city of Baltimore did with former Secretary of Gangster Shit Omar Little, House Dems came at the Orange King and, unfortunately, they missed, so now Trump is out here like a black dad after he hit the three-digit number for a dollar straight and a dollar box—you can’t tell him shit.

On a random-ass Wednesday, Trump, without the help of his Secretary of Leggings, Kim Kardashian, or his Minister of Minstrels, Van Jones, rained clemencies and pardons on his white-collar homies. He commuted the prison sentence of former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, a Democrat who was found guilty of 17 charges including wire fraud, attempted extortion, and conspiracy to solicit bribes. He served 8 of his 14 years before Trump ordered him freed from jail.

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Trump also “announced pardons for former New York police commissioner Bernie Kerik, convicted of tax fraud and lying to officials; Mike Milken, an investment banker known as the ‘Junk Bond King’ who was convicted of felony charges that included securities fraud and conspiracy; and Eddie DeBartolo Jr., the former owner of the San Francisco 49ers who pleaded guilty in 1998 to failing to report a felony in a bribery case,” CNN reports.

In total, 11 people benefited from the White House commander-in-chief.

Here is a live look at Trump’s conversation with Blagojevich on his first day out:

Should Trump be unseated in the 2020 presidential elections, below is a list of black people that would need to be released ASAP. This is by no means an exhaustive list. It is merely a jumping-off point of names of political prisoners that must be released.

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Mumia Abu-Jamal

Abu-Jamal was sentenced to death in 1982 for the killing of white Philadelphia police officer Daniel Faulkner. While the death sentence was overturned, Abu-Jamal has been in prison since 1982 serving a life sentence without parole. The case is shaky at best and includes a signed affidavit from Arnold Beverly, signed in 1991, confessing to the shooting that left Faulkner dead. Maybe Beverly’s signature was forced.

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Here’s Arnold Beverly on video confessing to Faulkner’s murder, explaining that Abu-Jamal wasn’t even on the scene when Faulkner was shot and adding that Abu-Jamal had nothing to do with it.

Yet, Mumia Abu-Jamal remains in prison to this day. He is 65.

 Bobby Shmurda

Although Trump probably bestowed the title upon Housing and Urban Development secretary Ben Carson, Bobby Shmurda is the original “Hot Nigga.” Shmurda was arrested in Dec. 2014 and charged with conspiracy to commit murder, weapons possession and reckless endangerment. “In 2016, he pleaded guilty and was sentenced to seven years in prison, which was reduced to five years after receiving credit for the two years he already served awaiting trial.” I don’t know if there is any political reason for Shmurda to be released but I would like him to explain this shit:

To be fair, this is also how Ben Carson opens up White House cabinet meetings.

Apollo Nida

This Real Househusband is a real-ass criminal. While he isn’t currently incarcerated, I would like to save this space to free Apollo Nida when he does go back to prison. Consider this a preemptive pardon. In July 2014, Nida was sentenced to eight years for crimes, including “conspiring to commit mail, wire and bank fraud.” This was Nida’s second time in prison after serving five years for auto title fraud as a part of a car theft ring. Nida has a knack for committing some light-skinned collar crimes. Since Trump likes to pardon reality show characters, we have already asked NeNe Leakes and Omarosa to advocate for Apollo.

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Pastor Darrell Scott

Darrell Scott is an embarrassment to the conks that have come before him. Detroit Red is not proud of this nigga. And he’s served enough time in jail. Incarcerating a man for a hairstyle is draconian. Scott should be free to style his hair the way that he wishes and taking him from his flock of Jerry Rice’s chicken helmet and Jim Brown is a travesty and a shame. This is not Russia in which…

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Managing Editor Genetta Adams: Scott isn’t in jail, Stephen.

Me: Huh?

G.A.: No one locked him up for wearing a conk.

Me: We both know it’s only a matter of time. I’m just waiting for the Inspector General to respond to my whistleblower complaint.

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Genetta starts typing, I grab the computer from her and run out of the office yelling, “Free Darrell Scott!”

Assata Shakur

Assata Shakur doesn’t give a shit about America, who are we kidding? Ever since escaping from prison on some bullshit charges of ambushing and killing a New Jersey state trooper, Shakur’s name has become synonymous with the right’s Hillary Clinton chants of “Lock her up.” The right would love nothing more than to see the former Black Panther in jail, but Shakur ain’t leaving Cuba and Cuba ain’t sending her back here ever. It would be nice to have her absolved of all of the charges that she would be facing should she want to visit and to finally have her name free but something tells me even then, because she knows how America gets down, she ain’t coming back here. She’s still on the FBI’s Most Wanted List and has been on it longer than we’ve been waiting for Jay Electronica’s debut album.

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Former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick

Kwame Kilpatrick should be offended to hear about Trump’s pardon spree. That’s because the former mayor of Detroit is serving a 28-year sentence for everything including, “mail fraud, wire fraud, and racketeering.” He might’ve been the worst mayor in American history, and I say that firmly knowing that I’m from Washington, D.C. and was raised during a time when my mayor infamously smoked crack.

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Kilpatrick ran his position as mayor of Detroit like a rapper, including throwing a stripper party in the mayor’s mansion that his wife found out about and allegedly attacked one of the dancers. And if all this doesn’t sound crazy enough, Tamara Greene, a 27-year-old exotic dancer who used the name “Strawberry,” was rumored to have been killed by the Detroit police. You can’t make this stuff up. The only thing I could think of that would be crazier is if there was a convicted felon who hung out with the president and owned a private pedophile island but mysteriously died in jail but all the videotapes disappeared.

Nah. That would never happen.

Does Kilpatrick deserve to get out? “Fuck no!”

But, in his defense, Kilpatrick was convicted of the same crimes as the 11 people who were pardoned by Trump. Kilpatrick even had a white millionaire pushing for his release. If only there was some reason to explain why a former politician who committed white-collar crimes didn’t get clemency.

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There has to be some reason...

Unless of course, Trump is ignoring the policy of the Little administration.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

pretty_terry
Pretty Terry

I was with you...until Kwame. He should rot. I’d rather they free a bunch of niggas on t-shirts before they get to him.