Before Our Meeting, Michelle Obama Asked Me to Remind You What Happens When We All Vote

Illustration for article titled Before Our Meeting, Michelle Obama Asked Me to Remind You What Happens When We All Vote
Photo: Ethan Miller (Getty Images)

Wait ... I’m not going to meet Michelle Obama?

Hold up.

Ok, I know that there is a lot at stake this election including the possibility of three black governors (in Georgia, Maryland and Florida, of all places), the chance to kick extraterrestrial humanoid Ted Cruz out of office and control of the House and the Senate. I know registering to vote is important and I had already planned to help, but I just assumed that when The Root signed on as a national media partner with When We All Vote, I was going to meet my First Lady!


Michelle Obama even sent me a personalized video. I must have been busy when she tried to reach me on Facetime so she posted it to YouTube.

What do you mean it’s a newly-released public service announcement for When We All Vote? Are you trying to tell me that this is not a personal message?

I am fully aware that When We All Vote is sponsoring more than 2,000 events across the country this week in celebration of National Voter Registration Day and their Week of Action. I know people can find an event near them by clicking on this link, that’s not the issue!

Yeah, yeah, I know the purpose of these events is to recruit more volunteers, educate, register voters and get them ready to vote in every election, but again, I already do that! It’s what we are supposed to be doing! That’s what Michelle Obama says.

I’m not a lawyer or anything, but as the co-chair of When We All Vote, isn’t Michelle Obama obligated by the Constitution to attend the specific event that I’m attending? But she has a jet! Why would I care that Tom Hanks and members of the Pittsburgh Steelers will host an event in Pittsburgh tonight or that Loni Love and Keegan-Michael Key will host an event in Detroit on Thursday?

You know where I’ll be on Thursday, Sept. 27 from 3:00 p.m to 5 p.m.?

I’ll be on Spelman’s campus, where I expected that Mrs. Obama would also be! I even RSVPed at this link and I don’t even know what RSVP stands for! I always thought it was the most expensive kind of Hennessey. I don’t even like cognac but I figured, who’d pass up the opportunity to take shots of good Henny with Michelle Obama? Not this writer!


Look, I’m very excited about seeing Janelle Monae in Atlanta on Spelman’s campus. And of course, I know political commentator Angela Rye from CNN will be there too. I love Angela, but we’re actually already friends. I can send her a text right now as I listen to Janelle Monae. You know who I’m not texting buddies with?

Michelle Obama!

Until Thursday that is.

I had already imagined what I’d say to her after I curtseyed and bowed before Her Highness. I planned to ask her If she would register to run for President in the midterms. Again, I’m not a constitutional scholar but I’m pretty sure they would let her do that. After all, she’s Michelle Obama!


I’m sure after I told her that, she was going to ask me why I didn’t answer the phone when she called as she filled out her presidential registration card after which we would all dance to Janelle Monae while Angela kept screaming, “Yassss queen!” for some reason.

You know how Angela is.

And then, on Election Day, when she was elected president of America, right after she took the Oath of Office, Michelle was going to call me on speakerphone from backstage so me, her and Barack could put Stacey Abrams and Andrew Gillum on three-way and take a shot of RSVP Henny to celebrate America finally being great again


But yeah ... I can help register some people to vote ...

I guess.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.


Petey Wheatstraw The Devil Son in law

I recently started using social media again for the exact purpose of helping others register to vote near me. I believe a lot of people have been cynical and beaten down by the constant drama on mainstream news and feel it’s all pointless, which it is not. The people in power are true, unequivocally evil, and represent a threat to everyone. I have been hitting the dirt hard in metro Atlanta for Stacy Abrams with a few friends. Lately, I’ve been seeing equal Abrams and the POS Brain Kemp signs in yards, I just hope for the sake of Ga(and other states) that humans make the right logical decision on matters outside of religion.