One of America’s most powerful and prominent white supremacist organizations appears to have disbanded after an incident that included a Walmart police surrender, a Nazi being choked to sleep in a trailer park and a white supremacist love triangle reminiscent of a special two-part episode of Cheaters.
Perhaps you’ve heard of the Traditionalist Workers Party, the neo-Nazi group that advocates for racially pure nations and communities and blames Jews for many of the world’s problems. In October 2017, the TWP organized the pathetic White Lives Matter rally in Murfreesboro, Tenn. The group led a lynch mob to push for Kate’s Law after blaming the death of Kate Steinle on immigration laws. Multiple people were stabbed at the group’s 2016 Sacramento, Calif., rally.
The group was founded by besties Matthew Heimbach and David “Matt” Parrott. Heimbach would go on to gain notoriety for beating up a black woman at a Donald Trump rally, starting White Student Unions on college campuses and overseeing an attack on an interracial couple. Heimbach and the TWP’s prominence at the deadly rally in Charlottesville, Va., made them rising stars in the world of hate.
But like Destiny’s Child, iPhone cords and every episode of Jerry Springer, things quickly fall apart.
The Southern Poverty Law Center reports that Heimbach was arrested on battery charges and posted a $1,000 bond on Tuesday and that Parrott is no longer a part of the party, saying that he believes the organization is done.
It all began Monday in an Indiana trailer park. (Of course, I’ll give you a minute to find a chair, because any story that starts with “It all began in an Indiana trailer park” is going to be good.)
According to the Daily Beast, Heimbach had been sleeping with Parrott’s wife, Jessica, for a while. Heimbach, meanwhile, is married to Parrott’s stepdaughter from a previous marriage. Now, I know you think this all sounds like a “white trash circus”—as Parrott called it—but how else are they supposed to keep their race “superior”?
Heimbach and Jessica swore to Parrott that their affair was over, but to test their loyalty, Parrott decided to “set up” the neo-Nazi mastermind and his wife in a trailer and see what happened.
Of course, Heimbach smashed Jessica’s Lil’ Debbie cakes to smithereens! Did you think, even for a minute, that Nazis had morals? Parrott peeped it all through a window, as he was perched on a box outside. But when his makeshift pedestal broke and he fell, Parrott went in to confront the cheaters. According to the report, a fight ensued, and Heimbach choked Parrott to sleep.
Parrott woke up, fled to the local Walmart and called the cops. When cops arrived at Heimbach’s house, they found him outside with Jessica. Jessica left and Heimbach went inside, telling his wife to send the cops away. When she wouldn’t, Heimbach’s wife, who is also the ex-stepdaughter of Parrott, alleges that Heimbach attacked her by pinching her cheeks until they bled while her daughter recorded the incident on a cellphone.
Stop laughing; this isn’t over.
The cops arrested Heimbach on the spot, noting that his two children were present when Heimbach attacked his children’s mother ... after having had sex with his ex-stepmother-in-law.
The police noted on their report that the people they interviewed—spokesperson Parrott, stepdaughter-wife Mrs. Heimbach, Mrs. Parrott the side piece and Matthew the Cheating Choker Cheek Pincher—all listed their occupations as “white nationalist.”
“Obviously, due to the events that transpired, people have lost faith in the party on every level. I totally respect that, and it’s my job to protect that information,” Parrott said, explaining that there is no more Traditionalist Workers Party.
And even though these hillbilly troglodytes still think they are “supreme,” this story has given me so much delight that I feel I must say this about the breakup of the TWP:
They will be missed.