Artwork for Jeremih’s “Oui”

I’m not a fan of Jeremih. I’m also not not a fan of Jeremih. In fact, Jeremih exists in a space where I typically forget he exists until one of his songs pops up on a Sirius station I listen to and I read the info and I’m like, “Wow, he’s still around, eh? Well, look at God.” Pretty much, he’s like Fanta.

Admittedly, I did like his song “Planez,” though it’s 100 percent because of J. Cole’s hilariously uncouth verse. Lightskint Jermaine’s entire verse was the type I would’ve wanted to write before I started caring about offending those who listened to my music, including my mother.

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Well, Jeremih has a song called “Oui.” Because you’ve probably read books or eaten French fries, you know that “oui” is the French word for “yes.” Jeremih has decided to go the homophone route—given its pronunciation in English is “we”—and include the hook, “There’s no ‘oui’ without u and i.”

In a nutshell, Jeremih has an entire song about being a couple—you know, a “we”—but is spelling it like “oui” so he can take advantage of the letters “u” and “i.” Just no. This is what happens when pseudo-creativity goes unchecked.

Last year, in a piece I wrote about “Post to Be” by Omarion featuring Chris Brown and Jhené Aiko, I said this:

Before we move on to the absurdity of said lyric—I contend that it doesn’t actually work—I’d like the congregation to turn to the book of SayHeffaSayWhat and take a moment to appreciate the grammar assassination that happened on the very title of the song. “Post to Be” is a shortened version of “Supposed to Be.” I’ve seen n—gas say “posed to be,” but “Post” is some new-level f—kery. That’s Twitter stupidity on acid remixed with everything Tyrese ever learned in his elementary school in Watts. In fact, I believe the type of motherf—ker who would think “post” works in that title ALSO doesn’t realize it’s dumb-dumb-n—ga shorthand for “supposed.” For them, “post” is a regular-ass word up there with “’pacifically” for specifically. Be that as it may, I’m a better person today because there is a song out there called “Post to Be.” And believe it or not, you are too. I have nothing to back this up with by the way. Juvenile.

I’d wager that “Oui” is as egregious as “Post to Be,” if not more so. OK, maybe not more. But they’re definitely West Virginian kissing cousins in the “Why, Lordt, take me now” English Olympics.

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Here’s how I think Jeremih and his goons ended up with a song called “Oui” that represents “we.” They were probably in Paris or H&M and saw a sign that had the word “oui” in it. Somebody said it out loud and was like, “Ain’t it crazy how in English, we spell ‘we’ like double-ewe and eee, but in French they spell ‘we’ like oh-ewe-eye? That’s so crazy. In the land of France, there’s no ‘oui’ without a ‘u’ and an ‘i.’ I’ll bet nobody ever noticed that before. Oh s—t. We’ll kill the game.” More of the same dumb-dumb-n—ga logic.

(By the way, “we” in French is “nous,” pronounced like “new,” but you know, whatever the f—k. “New” is “nouveau,” etc. There really is an infinite amount of f—kery the current urban-music community could do with the French language. But again, whatever the f—k.)

So, Jeremih and his crew hit the studio to write their new hit single, “Oui,” to represent “we,” since, again, there’s no “yes” without u and i.

Admittedly, this song gives me the red ass for those types of obsessive-compulsive disorder reasons that make it hard to enjoy some songs when artists color outside the lines. But the oui-we thing really bothers the living f—k out of me for the simple reason that it just doesn’t translate, and I’m not the type of ignorance-is-bliss dude that just accepts good things because they’re great.

Here are the lyrics to the chorus of the song, courtesy of Genius:

If we
Tried that we could be
Somewhere the climate
Is warm, long as you around me
I swear that everything will be just fine
I wish that we could take some time
Go anywhere, baby I don’t mind
Grown man, in my suit and tie
Hey, there's no we without you and I
Oh, yea, ah yea, ah ah yea
Hey, there's no we without you and I
Oh yea, ah yea, ah ah yea
Hey, there's no we without you and I

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As you can see, the word “we” is spelled properly on Genius because to use “oui” would be insane and render the song completely nonsensical. You’d like to see it, wouldn’t you? Let’s go ahead and do it for the culture:

If oui
Tried that oui could be
Somewhere the climate
Is warm, long as you around me
I swear that everything will be just fine
I wish that oui could take some time
Go anywhere, baby I don’t mind
Grown man, in my suit and tie
Hey, there's no oui without you and I
Oh, yea, ah yea, ah ah yea
Hey, there's no oui without you and I
Oh yea, ah yea, ah ah yea
Hey, there's no oui without you and I

And because I’m thorough, let’s just go ahead and translate what Jeremih proposed and got through label heads:

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If yes
Tried that yes could be
Somewhere the climate
Is warm, long as you around me
I swear that everything will be just fine
I wish that yes could take some time
Go anywhere, baby I don’t mind
Grown man, in my suit and tie
Hey, there's no yes without you and I
Oh, yea, ah yea, ah ah yea
Hey, there's no yes without you and I
Oh yea, ah yea, ah ah yea
Hey, there's no yes without you and I

As you can see, the song makes absolutely no damn sense when you apply the rules.

Now, in a world where Young Thug, Kodak Black and Lil Yachty exist, I realize that I’m being a bit hard on Jeremih. For one, he’s just trying to be creative. Check. For two, the song itself isn’t that bad. It might not be that good, but it’s also not that bad. Three, there are much bigger things to worry about in the world then another artist taking some R. Kelly-style creative license creating a song I’d never listen to if radio didn’t exist.

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And that’s all well and good. But f—k that; it drives me nuts every single time I hear him sing the hook because it’s just not right. OK. Do you remember when Cousin Harold got shot in Menace II Society and Sharif stayed behind with his body while O-Dog, A-Wax and the chick whose name eludes me got Caine in the car to drive him to the hospital? His reasoning: “It’s just not right, OK!”

Same s—t, really. The next time I hear “Oui,” will I be annoyed? Oui. Will I want to pull my eyelids down and pour WD-40 into them and then light them on fire? Oui.

Will Jeremih still get paid? Oui.

Is that just how it’s post to be?

You know what else doesn’t exist without “u” and “i”?

I quit.

Panama Jackson is the co-founder and senior editor of VerySmartBrothas.com. He lives in Washington, D.C., and believes the children are our future.