It's August, and thousands of black kids are either headed off to college for the first time or are returning to school for the second, fifth or 15th year. Hey, man, I don't judge. But it's also time for those kids to be bombarded with "Prepping for College" articles, and I have to say that the great majority of these wannabe-helpful advice columns stink.

For years I've wanted to fix that by giving black students a real black guide to college. And voilà, The Root surprisingly allowed me to do it! So get ready, freshmen: We're going for a nice little ride.

You did it! You made it! You made your momma and dem proud. And last Sunday your minister called you out at the two o'clock service, made you stand up and receive praise from both the Lord and 92-year-old Sister Griffin who reads the announcements with a stutter. Life is good.

You arrive at Nat Turner University (HBCU) or Ronald Reagan College (PWI) with a brand-new laptop and new clothes from graduation money your uncle with the gold tooth gave you, and the warm glow that comes from knowing that your main rival from high school is asking, "Do you want to supersize it?" about 200 times a day. So what's my advice to you?

1. Read that sex material they put in your dorm, and ask your counselors where you can get the best condoms, preferably for free. "Why you ask?" you say. It's simple. Now that you've left the confines of your home, you're about to have more sex than you ever imagined. Happy sex. Sad sex. Drunken sex. High sex. Spontaneous sex. I-like-the-way-you-hold-that-pencil sex. That's all good and fun, but you don't know a damn thing about any of these people you're about to have sex with. So why not protect yourself against STDs and pregnancy, the two things that are real buzz kills when it comes to going to college.

2. Pick some easy classes your first semester or quarter. Challenging yourself is for the second semester. Don't be like the suckers who decide they're going to take Biochemistry 123 (for upper-division majors accepted to graduate school) at 7 a.m. each day, simply so they can show off. I hated those people. My advice? Ease into college. Think of your first semester as being the time that you dip your toe into the water before diving in. Also, it'll make your parents feel better about taking out a second mortgage to pay for your tuition if they see that you got A's in classes like The History of Twitter.

3. Dump your high school boy- or girlfriend as soon as possible. Yeah, I know you said at the prom that you'd always be together, like Reggie and Kim, but things change ... as soon as you sit next to that fine junior in the library. And do you remember what I said in point No. 1 about the sex? When you're cuddled up with your new college boo, nothing spoils the mood more than a tweet from your high school squeeze asking, "What are you doing?" Awkward ...