Just read an article that mentioned the essay "Weighty Matters" in your book, in which you wondered if black women's weight was holding them back in their dating and relationships. Do I really have to wait until I drop 50 pounds in order to happily date? That seems to be the case. I'm over guys making weight comments or grabbing me like a piece of meat because I'm larger than some.  --B.B.

No. You don't have to wait until you lose weight to find a date. There is someone who will date you and love you, too, no matter what size you are. And it's not as if all smaller women, even the ones shaped like video models, have their dating rosters packed to the hilt with high-quality and interested mates. Anyone can find a date; it's in finding the best match for you where things become tricky.

But if you're unhappy with your size, know that it shows up in how you interact with other people, and it often reads as lacking confidence and low self-esteem. You can't expect anyone else to accept you until you accept yourself, and that is true for women of every size and whatever issue they may face internally. Get a membership to a local gym and actually go, or get fit in your living room by popping in a Jeanette Jenkins fitness DVD (I recommend Bikini Bootcamp).

If you're happy with your appearance, work out to maintain or improve your health, not to get a man. An active lifestyle is something that everyone -- man or woman -- should adopt. No matter what size dress or pants you wear, you should include two hours and 30 minutes (150 minutes) of moderate-intensity aerobic activity (i.e., brisk walking) into your weekly schedule, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Unfortunately, a lot of black women don't do this, whether they're trying to get more dates or not. Fifty-five percent of black woman are physically inactive, as in they do no spare-time physical activity, according to an Aetna study on women's health.

The result? Sixty-nine percent of non-Hispanic black women are overweight or obese, according to the Office of the Surgeon General. Lastly, 82 percent of African-American women over age 40 are overweight or obese, according to data gathered by the CDC. Yikes!