POTUS: Not really. That was good bulletin-board material for my staff when we were trying to lock down votes for the stimulus package. I had your quote up in big font like the sign that says “Play Like A Champion Today” in Notre Dame’s locker room. Worked like a charm. Put seven points on the board for Team O—as in hundred billion.

RUSH: OK, but from my point of view, you’re socializing our economy instead of letting the market sort things out. That’s un-American.

POTUS: Rush, if you want to kick down a couple million to help out your neighbors in South Florida who owe 105 percent of the purchase price on their houses, holler at a brother.

RUSH: I’ll give that some thought. So, let’s cut to the chase—where were you born?

POTUS: Right here in the good ol’ U.S.A.—same place you did your drug rehab.

RUSH: Um, yeah. Well, what about when Rick Warren asked you about abortion, and you said that the question was, “above your pay grade”?

POTUS: You see, Rush, what I was trying to get across was that as a Christian, I believe that the Lord Jesus is my personal savior, that I try, even as president, to be humble and prayerful, and that although I have a constitutional duty to uphold the law of the land, which includes a woman’s right to choose, I don’t presume to possess divine wisdom.

RUSH: Fair enough. What are you going to do about Afghanistan?

POTUS: Glad you brought that up. We’re going to turn our focus to Afghanistan, and the Taliban will either get down or get put down. It’s pretty much their choice. We got guns.

RUSH: Do you acknowledge that maybe the Iraq surge was a good idea after all?

POTUS: Our soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines have done a great job in Iraq. I acknowledge that under President Bush, it got so bad there was nowhere to go but up.

RUSH: Alrighty, then. Do you have any questions for me?

POTUS: I’m good. If there’s about 10 or 15 minutes left, why don’t we take some calls ... then I have to jet, ‘cause we’re meeting the Bidens at Ruth’s Chris tonight.

RUSH: OK, we’ll be right back with some calls after the break.

David Swerdlick is a regular contributor to The Root.