Do I Have to Go to Strip Clubs With My Man?
Ask Demetria: You don't have to go, but you should probably find out why he is.
Don't worry about duplicating the moves of a stripper since you're not one. You, his woman, wearing something sexy and taking it all off slowly is way sexier and -- I only throw this in because it tends to be man-think -- cheaper. What it normally takes to have sex with you is a lot less expensive than what he spends during a night out at the nudie bar. Your offering to entertain him where he can get the happiest ending in a familiar and safe space isn't really the hard sell you might expect.
Now, just because you aren't down for going to a strip club doesn't mean you should get up on your high horse to preach down to women who are up for it. Let other grown folks be grown and stay out of what works, or can work, for their relationship. For those ladies whose moral feathers aren't ruffled at the idea of their men getting a lap dance but are on the fence about attending a strip cub, I suggest going to one to see what all the fuss is about. You might find it deplorable, but then again, you might find you like it.
The first time I went to a strip club was during NBA All-Star Weekend in 2003. The dance clubs were too pricey, so the guys I was with suggested we hit the strip club instead. I, perhaps more of a feminist then than now, had to take two shots just to be convinced to go inside.
I expected to see defeated and exploited women imploring me with their eyes to run for help and rescue them from a Lucite-hellhole. What I found were women whose bodies did things mine could never do -- like inch up a pole with no hands or simultaneously rotate each portion of my tush in opposite directions. It was akin to watching Cirque du Soleil, except, you know, there were only women onstage and they were entirely nude. (I go into further detail about this experience in my book, A Belle in Brooklyn, if you're more curious.)
Overall, it was like going to the regular club with your guy, except the sound system and DJ were better, and women actually asked permission from you before they flirted with your man. I found it entertaining for different reasons than the guys I was with did and was only offended by the lap dancing when a woman wanted to give me one. But I enjoyed myself nonetheless. Other women might, as well.
Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at email@example.com.