Should I Worry That He Earns Less Money?
Ask Demetria: Despite your family's concerns about your mate's salary, it doesn't mean he'll cheat.
If there's a great partnership at work, that means you two are likely communicating well, showing respect and supporting each other's goals. That's great; keep it up for the long haul. In addition, address problems as they arise, chose your battles and focus on problem solving, not blaming. Those are the oft-cited traits of folks who claim to be happily married and still in love with their partners decades later. You want that to be you, so give their advice a try. And so we're clear, it's much harder than it sounds, but it is possible.
Now, about your family and their feedback: This conflict is on you. They are up in your business because you invited them in by spilling the tea on what you and your man earn. They never should have been told that information, especially not about him.
Surely some of them have heard of or observed relationships in which the man treated the woman poorly because she made more money, and their naysaying about your upcoming nuptials is coming from a place of genuine concern. Others will never think anyone is good enough for their kinfolk, so what they're saying about your man isn't personal at all. If it weren't this issue that you gave them the ammunition for, then it would be something else to pick at. And still others just don't want you to be happy because they aren't.
Your job isn't to figure out who falls into which category, only to decide if your partner is right for you and if you are committed to this upcoming union. It doesn't really matter much what your family thinks of him; they are not marrying him. If you're marrying to please your family, then you should let them pick your husband.
If you need to talk out your relationship conflicts with someone, call a friend who is a good listener, is discreet and a helpful problem solver, not an instigator. Or you can always call a life coach or a therapist. The cost of hiring a professional is worth keeping your family out of your business.
Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at firstname.lastname@example.org.